romantic beholdings

with Love

We were lying on the soft grass, which caressed my thighs with a delicate tickle.

I turned to face him, or better, to admire his side profile as he was gazing up at the stars. I took a quick glance at his muscled arms crossed behind his neck; how I wished those arms could embrace my shy waist, neither God could tell.

I concentrated more on his eyes: not only they were shining bright in the dark night, not only they reflected the whole universe in less than 1 inch, but they also melted my soul in a liquid boiling sweet puddle. He discerned my soul and my body in two different entities, which were both completely his. He had tied them up to his wrist with the string of my love, a red burning strand.

The moments in which our hearts rested this near to each other, nothing mattered anymore; nothing else mattered that night. He understood that I was staring, he smirked undetectably; I turned back to the stars eventually.

How unkind Love had been that day: my heart was aching, these fantasies could not carry further.

I began talking, or better, stuttering: "Why? Why is it so hard, Love?"

He didn't answer immediately: tears were starting to fill up my swollen eyes.

When I sat on the grass lifting myself up, I couldn't take the sight of the beautiful stars anymore: I buried my face in my palms, still holding back my sighs.

"I don't honestly know" he answered, lifting his back up as well, stretching the folds on his pants.

"I don't even know why I live in your heart, for example. I ended up here, among humans. I'm hard to be with, that's why many people reject me kicking me out of their soul. It's hard for me too, I get tired of chasing lost ideals humans are too weak for and live too short to see."

Despite the sadness of his eyes, no actual tone displayed in his angelic voice.

"I've been living with you for a while now, I could say I know you well. You rely much on me, I cannot tell you whether it is convenient or not. The only thing I can assure you on, it's that we get along very well, I wouldn't mind living with you forever."

Now I really needed to cry and release the tension; he suddenly cupped my right cheek with his hand, and every tear disappeared: "Please don't cry, Love can't be where Sadness lies".

Through two sniffles, my tears were completely gone.

He then placed his warm palm on my chest, right on my heart: "Does it hurt?"

I nodded in silence, not being able to form a single word, despite poems kept rushing out of my poisoned mind.

"Love doesn't own a heart, his job is to fill up those of fragile human beings like you, my dear. I'll protect you always, don't worry. I'm heavy to carry around, I guess. I'm becoming heavier with time, you want to share my heaviness with another person, I get that. I cannot do that, that's among the few things I cannot do. I produce intimacy but I don't attract it, that's on my fellow Fate."

"Guess he does really hate me"

He chuckled a little: "Oh, I know him better than anyone else. He doesn't hate anybody, he's cursed, like every little heart pumping right now all over the world."

"So mine is too?"

"Yes honey, it unfortunately is. But here's a promise I can make. Carry me around whenever you go, let me play my part with whoever you meet. Let me do my job. We can always meet here every night, you can vent."

Yeah, this place. This lawn, his little house. The stars he paints every night, just for me. Shall I thank him? But his presence is hurtful, we both know, although it isn't anyone's fault.

Tiredness was getting the most of me. Before I closed my lids, I took my chance and asked him.

"Can you hug me?"

A bit startled, he didn't answer but embraced my shy waist in his muscled arms.

"Keep me safe and I'll make you happy" he whispered in my ear.