Candy

Existential Crisis

I'm not supposed to be here.

Not even in a situational way but in an existential one, and I was certain that I was too young to be having either one, but here I am, an anomaly amongst anomality's. Nor do I really have any evidence to support, which really, makes this even more unsettling. In a way I was always an outlier, someone not in the big equation of the universe and always with Deja vu following them.

My name is Danny

D-a-n-n-y

Even my own name gives me shivers, it sounds... out of place, like it was never meant to be mine in the first place, like how Mama sometimes gives me a strange look like she's seeing someone else through me before patting my head gently and telling me to run off.

And that's not even all of it, the orphanage... although it has never put me off before, ever since the arrival of the new shipment of babies it seems to be getting creepier and creepier, the walls drawing into themselves, the dark shadows threatening to swallow me, I no longer feel the same sense of security as I once had.

I'm somehow an intruder in my own life and there is absolutely no explanation this. Mama has never been anything less than a loving and caring parent nor have any of my honorary
siblings outcasted me or bullied me other than the occasional mean prank, but they have never given me any indication that I didn't belong with them in this household

The point is, I grew more and more wary each time I wake up, as if everything was turned upside down. Like I had grown a second set of memories, misplaced something important. Everything was drenched in the sense of wrongness, from the color of my shirt to my makeshift family

Maybe it's just one of those weird teenage things Mama keeps grumbling about. You're growing up your just doesn quite right anymore? Is a thing? I sure hope it is else I'll sound like an idiot.

I gave myself a perfectly reasonable argument, but I still can't shake off the feeling that something's up with Mama and this seeming innocuous orphanage with the tinted windows.

Whatever

Anyway, I have more important things to worry about right now.

"Peter, I swear to god if you don't get up right now, I am going to leave your ass here and you can deal with a disappointed Mama and missing breakfast by yourself."

Peter proceeds to challenge my threat by drooling all over his pillow and letting out a loud snore.

"Breakfast is in ten and you still need to help Mama with the babies. You either wake up now or face the wrath of Mama's disappointed stare when you inevitably turn up late."

Peter snores.

I sigh.

"You have chosen your fate brother. Let it be known that I will pray for your resolution." I tuck him in gently and rearrange his blankets so that he is actually covered and not just splayed out
lazily across them. If he is going to sleep then might as well do it comfortably.

I don't even try to be quiet as I stomp downstairs, Peter is probably the only one that capable sleeping through the noisy wailing of the babies. At this point if he manages to sleep through of this then its his own damn fault that he misses breakfast.

Mama's already in the kitchen, waltzing around elegantly, adding spices to the soup and checking the oven to see if the bread has risen

"Good morning Mama!" I chirp, greeting her with a peck on the cheek and a warm, hearty hug. It makes her smile and laugh quietly at me, tapping my nose gently with her free hand in a
greeting. Things aren't always simple with only one caretaker in the orphanage and there hasn't been a shortage of times where she's swaying on her legs and donning dark circles under her
eyes. If there's even the littlest thing I can do to make things easier on her I will.