That Christmas, This Christmas

Chapter Two

It's a soul-shattering moment. Looking right at my past, staring into the same eyes that once captivated me, the exact face I thought I would never see again. My heart has just about recovered from him, yet here we are.

And just like that, any progress I've made over the past four years is gone.

My heart, as fragile as the glass deer sitting on the shelf behind Jax's table, splinters into a thousand pieces as his eyes trail over my form. Examining me for the first time since I left.

I'm staring right back at him, from head to toe, unable to do anything but. Blinking, I tear my gaze from his body and back to his stubble-covered face.

'You... you look good,' I manage to stutter, lifting my hand and gesturing towards his jacket. 'It's good to see your jacket hasn't fallen apart yet.' I'm rambling, no-one around to stop me. I'm desperately trying to keep my eyes on his face, and not let them drop to look at how the leather hugs his arms, how he's filled out since we were eighteen.

'Thanks.' Jax smiles, and I nearly stop breathing. 'I didn't realise you were back.'

Why would he? It's not like I've ever made my visits known to the people of Alford Lakes. I stay hidden from all of them... but this year something's different. Dad's passing, and my willpower dying along with him. All I want is for my family to be happy, and that's probably why my argument against coming out tonight was so feeble.

Anyway, it's too late now.

'Christmas,' I explain, lifting a finger and pointing to the large, multi-coloured Christmas tree beside the bar. He doesn't need to know I missed last year's Christmas, unable to get the time off work.

'I see,' Jax answers with an amused smile. I can't think of doing anything but return it.

Oh, Lara... It's time to jump in your car and head straight back to the city. This is a disaster.

'This is Gwen,' Jax suddenly says before gesturing to the chair beside him. I follow his hand, startled by the gorgeous, dark-eyed redhead beside him. I didn't even notice her next to the flurry of guys, but now, I'm struggling to understand how that was the case. Her flawless beauty is impeccable, and as she smiles across the table at me, a twang of jealousy shoots through my heart. 'And these are a few of the guys I occasionally work with,' Jax adds.

Tearing my gaze from Jax's beautiful friend, I briefly glance around the table, not registering any of their faces. My heart has dropped straight to the bottom of my boots. An absolutely ridiculous notion.

'Hi,' I eventually manage to say, forced smile and all.

'It's nice to meet you.' Gwen's honeyed voice is even more melodic than I imagined. Nothing like my own brash tone.

Eyes darting back to Jax, I let the smile slip slightly before gesturing to the other side of the pub. 'I should... get back,' I tell him. 'Erica and Charlie are waiting for me.'

Jax nods, a sliver of hair falling onto his forehead. 'Of course,' he replies. 'It was good to see you.'

'You too,' I lie, my tightening chest proof that I can't last another minute in his presence. It's already too painful.

'Have a good Christmas.' His tone is so honest that I know he means it. Any hostility he may have held towards me in the past is non-existent. I wonder if Gwen has anything to do with that. He certainly doesn't seem as affected by seeing me as I am by him.

You need to get out of here, Lara.

'Merry Christmas.' My words come out as a squeak and heat covers my cheeks. Dipping my head, I tear my gaze away. The sudden relief that spreads through me is astronomical. Just two minutes in his presence has brought back a flurry of unwanted memories and nostalgia, with my heart aching in response.

I quickly walk back towards our rickety corner table, not daring to look at anyone else before I slide into my seat. Charlie and Erica instantly cease their conversation, both of their eyes on me as I let out a curse. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen tonight.

'What's wrong with you?' Charlie asks. I plant my elbows on the table and throw my face into my hands before groaning. My past coming back to haunt me. The truth of how disastrous my life is. The fact that this is our first Christmas without Dad. Worrying about Mum at home on her own. Everything.

Straightening back up, I drop my hands to the dark blue denim covering my thighs and tell them, 'I ran into him.'

'Him?' Erica questions, sitting up slightly and letting my coat slip off her shoulders. I tut before shaking my head.

'Yes, him! You-know-who,' I elaborate. It's only two seconds before she exhales a big rush of air, her eyes wide. I nod, reaching up and dragging my fingers through my hair. Him. Him. I don't think I ever actually prepared myself for the reality of seeing Jax.

'I guess we should have warned you he might be here,' Charlie admits. He looks so concerned that I shake my head reassuringly. It isn't their fault.

'I knew it was a possibility,' I reply before letting my head drop to the wooden table. The cold surface against my skin does nothing to help me relax. 'And I just made a complete fool of myself.'

'I'm sure it wasn't that bad,' Erica answers after a few seconds. I know she doubts her own words before they even leave her mouth.

'It was awful,' I answer, my voice whiny. 'I literally squeaked. I squeaked at him. It wasn't even a proper adult conversation. I sounded like Alvin from the freaking chipmunks.'

'I happen to think it was a cute squeak.' The unexpected, deep-voiced reply has my eyes shooting open, head lifting from the table as fast as light. I nearly throw up at the sight behind Charlie. Erica looks stunned, her lips parted as Charlie's eyes focus on the beer in front of him.

Jax stands only a few feet from our table, his signature smirk on his face. I bite the inside of my cheek, unsure how to save myself from utter humiliation. It's too late, my face surely bright red as Jax watches on. We shouldn't have left the house tonight...

'Erica, Charlie.' Jax tilts his head in greeting to my siblings. They both murmur responses to him before Jax's attention diverts back to me. I know I still look embarrassed, struggling to shift my sheepish expression. 'I think you dropped this,' Jax says, lifting something in his right hand. I nod, recognising the tube of cheap lipstick that must have fallen out of my pocket as I left the ladies' bathroom.

'I... I did,' I answer. Reaching out, I let Jax drop it into my hand without risking any kind of physical touch. My fingers curl around the lipstick as Jax pulls back, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. 'Thank you.'

'No problem, Jane,' Jax replies with a smile. A quick wink follows, something I haven't seen for years. All the breath leaves my body at the familiar expression before Jax turns, leaving the area as fast as he arrived.

'A little shove would have been nice,' I hiss at my siblings. 'When you saw him!'

'He came out of nowhere!' Charlie protests.

'No-one comes from nowhere,' I grumble, despite knowing he's right. Jax was always good at disappearing without a trace.

'He still calls you Jane,' Erica mutters in surprise.

I'm shocked as well, but try to shrug casually. 'He always has.'

Looking down at the lipstick, my fist unconsciously curls tighter around it. Jax picked this up, bringing it to me without a second thought. He winked like he used to. He... called me Jane. His Jane. I can't stop the smile from spreading across my face as a comforting, fire-like warmth fills my chest.