Under The Sakura

Words Of Pain

A ton of different things have the tendency to make even young kids question life. For as far back as I can remember, I have always questioned what love was. Well, what true love was to be exact. I figured I didn’t know because I was young, by the time I had gotten to the seventh grade, I thought I understood it. Howdy, my name is Addy, and I just so happen to be a lesbian. I came out at the beginning of my eighth grade year, but I have known I was since the seventh. This story in itself will begin a few days before I was supposed to become a freshman at my highschool.
“Ok, today is the day, it’s your freshman orientation. You are gonna tour the high school and get to know your classes a bit, what could go wrong?” I asked myself, whilst looking at my reflection in confidence in the mirror.
Though I frowned a little.
“I’ll… I will finally see her again after having been three months of her up in Colorado. Maybe um, we can sort things out from our fight in July.” I mumbled to myself.
Doubt set in like a storm. Something felt extremely off. The energy and tension in my aura changed, as if it were trying to warn me of something. 
With my left hand, I grabbed my right arm and gave it a light squeeze.
“Did I fuck up somehow?” I asked myself.
The time arrived and I hopped into my dad’s vehicle, as we pulled off to drop me off at the highschool. It hadn’t taken long for me and my friends to have met up. I decided to stick with them, as I was afraid to face her at that time. 
“Good morning class of 2023, and welcome to Borger High. Please, take a seat in the auditorium, and we will go over some of the basic stuff here.” Mr. Ammerman stated. 
Me and my pals found ourselves a good place to be seated at, as the orientation began.
Still, the tension felt off.
“It’s gonna happen Addy, unfortunately, I think you and her… your guy’s time is up.” Zara, the angel in my head, told me.
In my head, silent from the people around me, I replied, “No, I refuse to believe it, I… I know shit has gone down in the past few months, but she loves me a lot, and she wouldn’t, I know she wouldn’t.” 
“Don’t miscalculate the odds, you have to trust me Addy, I have been seeing where this has been going since that incident in July.” Zara explained.
I, however, ignored her, pushing away what I should have listened too.
Scritch. Scritch. Scritch.
I scribbled my name onto a UIL form. 
“Thanks for everything! I can’t wait to participate this year!” I said excitedly.
“Anytime!” The teacher responded. 
“There you are, I thought you already left.” A familiar voice rang.
It was her.
“Oh! Hey baby! What’s up?” I asked nervously.
“Follow me, we um, we need to talk.” Layni said.
The tension grew worse, I began to feel sick. What the hell was happening? Don't tell me… 

"Hey um, so, I know this is kind of sudden and probably the worst possible time to say this, but I uh… I think we need to break u…" Layni started but I quickly interrupted in tears. 
"Please maybe… Maybe we can talk this over! I am… I Am really really sorry about July, I… I shouldn't have reacted like that! Please… Layni… Please!" I started frantically. 
"Addy…" She tried again. 
"Please… it won't happen again! Please!" I said with eyes full of tears. 
"Addy." She tried again. 
"Layni… Please don't leave me! I'm sorry!" I kept going. 
"Addy!" She shouted. 
I finally stopped. 
"With highschool starting, well, I have to take care of myself, and I'll be working on a constant at my dad's shop, not to mention, I start Driver's Ed in less than a month now. I really don't have time to help you. Addy, I'm sorry ok, did you really think it could last forever?" She said softly. 
I remained silent and in pain. 
I sorta did, but I did not say anything… As I didn't wanna feel embarrassed. Maybe my mother had been right, no school relationships were ever meant to last.