i've always loved carnations || Miu Iruma x Kaede Akamatsu (irumatsu) Hanahaki

Carnations

hanahaki.

the disease where love gives you flowers and the flowers give you pain.

the doctors say i don't have much longer, but do i really want to loose this wonderful feeling?

sure, it's painful, but i love Miu, in all her rough and rude glory, she's beautiful. she's everything i want, no, everything i need.

shuichi, sitting next to me, squeezes my hand. his friendship has been wonderful through all of this.

i smile softly at him.

"i'm sure. i need the surgery." even if i won't remember her, at least i can still be around her. i can still hear her laugh, see her shining ice-blue eyes, the way they soften when she talks about the one she loves. oh how i wish it was me.

the doctor nods in understanding and begins preparing me for surgery and goes to the tray of shots i need. he starts with a small one.

"this will numb the area, it will only feel like a bees sting." he injects it into my arm, it hurts worse than a bee sting, but i can hardly register it. i'm lost in a world of lonely pining. the numbing never quite sets in, but he injects the i.v. anyway.

i tell shuichi to text everyone what i'm doing. the other victims of danganronpa are my dearest friends, they deserve to know. shuichi smiles at me and tells me how they all send their best. i smile, but it's hollow, like their words.

the doctor tells me he's going to take me back to the operating room and it's my last chance to back out or say my goodbyes. i smile at him, my eyes crinkling shut as i do. he sighs, already knowing my answer.

shuichi hugs me.

"i'll see you on the other side," he whispers, i nod.

"i know." he's more scared than i am, i've accepted what's happening.

as i leave we share a look of something, i don't know what it was a look of honestly, but it meant something.

the doctor brings me to a room so bright it hurts. a smell only described as bittersweet acceptance and longing lingers here, though perhaps that's just me, forever pining away for a girl i could never have. lifetimes i could only dream of. though i guess forever is going to be cut short, a lifetime lasting a mere few months. the love ran deep, but reality infinitely deeper.

is this despair? the deep hole in my world that can never be filled? did i survive my death only to forever be tormented by regret? no, the memories of my love will be removed. taken away with the wretched flowers, the soft pink carnations growing in the refuge of my lungs.

i ask the doctor to save the flower, put it in a pot so i can have it forever. a feeling so pure it must be removed.

the doctor's ready to sedate me now. the room starts to change around me and i hear her. she's telling me to rest as the world blurs and fades. time seems to slow down but still pass at the speed of light. everything looses meaning as i start to loose consciousness.

"i love you, miu. always and forever."

then i wake up.

i'm in a different room, this one smells blank and impersonal, sterile and cold.

"kaede!" i see shuichi, sitting by my side. i smile at my dear friend. "how do you feel?"

"i'm in tip-top shape, shu!" i tease him with the nickname and he laughs.

"everyone's here to see you when you're ready! rantaro, k1-b0, kaito and maki, oh and miu! she's been worried sick of course." i recognize most of the names, but the last one sounds unfamiliar, distant.

"miu? who is miu? did you get a girlfriend?" his face pales.

"so it was miu... you never told me who caused it, y'know. i guess she makes sense." i look at him, confused. "miu... was a danganronpa survivor, like us." he seems to have more to say but for some reason he doesn't.

my door opens and fourteen people swarm in, mostly familiar faces. a strawberry blonde rushes forward to my side and hugs me. i tense up.

"i don't mean to be rude miss, but who are you?" i'm curious as to why a stranger is hugging me.

she releases me and steps back, wide-eyed.

"wh-what?" she stutters out. everyone seems to collectively realize something at once, everyone except shuichi and i, as well as the strawberry blonde.

our gazes are locked, her ice-blue eyes wide, holding no trace of the chill they're colored with, meeting my curious pink ones.

"you don't- i was- but-" the girl tries to say something but fails, going silent and going to the back of the group, everyone looking upon her with pity.

my friends all greet me and ask how i am. we all smile and laugh, but the girl in the back stays quiet, deeply thinking.

after a while, shuichi, the girl, and i are the only people left. shuichi taps my shoulder.

"i'm going to get some water, alright Kaede?" i nod and he leaves. my gaze turns on the girl once more.

"are you alright, miss?" she looks up, her eyes holding some emotion i can't decipher. "i'm sorry i hurt your feelings, would you like those flowers to make it up to you? i have no use for them." i gesture at a pot holding a few light pink carnations.

her eyes have tears in them as she takes the pot. she waves goodbye to me. i'm a bit offended she didn't thank me, but as she reaches the door, she stops and says one thing.

"i've always loved carnations, especially the pink ones."