Untitled Princess Carolyn Project

Chapter 1 ~revision 1~

       At least they still have me, but I know they would rather have him. It's selfish I know, but I worry that they won't let me stay anymore. They've never made me feel unwanted. I never felt like a guest of theirs. I always felt like I was part of their family. But now I feel like I shouldn't be here. I feel like I'm intruding on a private moment. I feel like I'm in the way of a family trying to grieve.

My dad is staring at the wall and my mom is curling into the floor sobbing and shaking silently. The letter is still in her hand. The letter had no effort put into it. Just a few words thanking him for his service and informing us that he was gone. Part of me still hopes that he escaped instead. He's still alive somewhere. He has to be. He can't be dead.

If Drake is dead, what does that mean for the rest of us? He was a part of so many lives. If he's dead, where do the rest of us fit? If he's dead, do I get to stay?

I wasn't his real sister, but Drake was my brother. We shared the same parents even though I was never their real daughter. Drake still took care of me and watched over me. They protected me. He loved me. Even when I got caught up in daydreams of my real family and finding them some day on my own, Drake was still there.

My dad's empty voice tells me to grab my stuff for school. My eyes burn like I haven't blinked in years.

The schools teach nothing. I grab my things and begin the long walk towards the decaying school building. I feel heavy, but I could float away at any second. I worry for him. My brother. He has to be alive somewhere still. There's no way he could've died. I'm lying to myself and I know it. He was so important to so many. So important to me. He can't leave me here alone. Of course not alone. I'm being ungrateful.

For someone who's grown up around dying people, someone who's seen life leave someone's eyes more times than they can count, this is something I should be used to. The denial, or rather, the uncertainty. There's always been a body. Whether I watched the person die or I watched their body be disposed of. There was always a body. Some form of proof that they were gone. And now I just have to accept it?

"Ray?" a voice yells, "Ray, are you okay!? What happened!?"

Footsteps pound the wet pavement. It must've rained last night.

"We lost the war," I laugh dryly, "we lost Drake too."

I look up at my closest friends to see the tear slip out of Iris' brilliant blue eye. Her other eye is a beautiful shade of brown. Her hair's been tied back and knotted for way too long. She's been trying to stop it from matting, but it's already too matted to even try to brush it through. She's shorter than me and Blue, but nobody has thrown a stronger punch than Iris.

Blue wraps her arms around me and presses my head to her neck. Blue is beautiful. Her long black hair is so tangled that it barely reaches past her shoulders anymore. She's around the same height as me, maybe half a centimeter taller. Her eyes, similar to Iris, are the reason for her name. They somehow manage to be brighter than Iris's left eye. She's incredibly fast. Blue has managed to win quite a few fights simply by being faster. Almost acrobatic.

I allow myself to be half dragged into the school. It's all a blur. We end up in a room with a bunch of other people. Some are sobbing on the floor. Others have tear stained cheeks and are sleeping on someone's lap or shoulder. Blue and Iris lead me to the floor.

"What's wrong? Please, Ray?" Iris says.

My chest is empty. My heart just disappeared. It wasn't ripped away and it didn't drop past my feet and into the ground. It just disappeared. My eyes sting with invisible tears. I should be sobbing like my mother was. Instead my eyes are dry. I look straight at Iris and Blue, but far away from them at the same time. Everything is so foggy and so clear all at the same time.