Euphoria

Euphoric

I groaned as a nurse-led me down an all too familiar hallway. The walls, like everything else, were cracked and peeling. An expensive-looking flower-print wallpaper covered most of the moldy areas, in my opinion, it looked more heinous.

We finally arrived at the plain white door, the nurse- who's name I learned is Mr. Poncho, as he blabbed on about his meaningless life- opened the door before wishing me luck and giving me two thumbs up. I stepped into the room as I waved goodbye to the obnoxiously loud man before shutting the door.

"Mika, take a seat," I winced as I heard her stern voice. Doctor Peterson, she always looked at me warmly, but her aura was dominating, "So, I heard you skipped class last week."

Of course, straight to the point, like always. "...yeah," I sat on the large gray loveseat and averted her piercing gaze. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't take your pills." Her voice was soft, but I didn't miss the disappointment in her tone.
I nodded, I already knew there was no point in explaining myself. "How's it now? The emptiness?"

"It's better, well better than last month. It was all too much and I- I just...I wanted it to stop." I hated it, every second of it, every second of showing how pathetic I was. How useless I was.

"Did it stop?" She asked, writing something down.

"...it almost did," her head shot up. Hazel eyes filled with worry met my empty black ones. "Almost, but mama would get sad. It would tear her apart. I couldn't, I should've...but I couldn't."

"Don't talk like that. You know you can't do that to yourself, you've got a bright future ahead."

"Yeah, and so? What's the point? Every day it's the same. Wake up, work, school, home, repeat. Every damn day. And for what? I do it all so I die making others happy while hating myself?"

She stared at me, her brown curls tied back in a loose bun.
I could see her mind reel with answers as she stared back at my lifeless eyes. Before she seemingly gave up.

"The point is that you're not seeing how much your really worth. I can't speak for you but I sure as hell know that you're amazing."

I stared at her in confusion.

"What?" I sat taken aback by her words. She stood up and hovered above me before wrapping me in a tight embrace.

"It's ok. I know what it's like. The feeling of never being enough. That you're trapped, and you'll never get out of that black hole. So, I'll promise you right now," she leaned back and wiped off the tears that streamed down my cheeks, "Mika Park, I promise you that it gets better. It won't be perfect, but it gets better."

Her words hit me hard. It didn't help that I could see the scars that littered her arms. She felt my pain, she knew my pain. She wasn't lying or telling me how I should stop faking it.

She wasn't tuning me out, she was listening. The tears came like waterfalls they couldn't stop even if I tried. I honestly didn't want them to stop.

For the first time in an eternity, I felt light, happy, free... euphoric.