!!TW!! Self harm!
Cut. Cut. Cut. Drop. Red. Drops. Floor. Knife. Knives. Shit.
I had to release my pain. Demons are inside me that just want to get out. My personal demons. I cry and scream so loud. My throat hurts. My wrists hurt. My heart hurts. My soul hurts. I had to scream. I can't help it and let myself sink to the floor. I feel the cold on my skin and start to tremble.
Suddenly I hear keys. Keys. Keys. Fuck. Keys. He came home. I try to get up and lock the bathroom door but I am too weak. Fuck my god. What am I supposed to do. I start to think about the possibilities to explain this mess to him but then I realize that I just can't think anymore. I decide to just let everything go. I was about to close my eyes when I hear him bursting in the bathroom. "Babe!!??, Babe?? What happened?" He nearly cries. I can't do anything than just muffle and moan. He sits down on the floor and pulls me on his lap. I am a whiny and bloody mess. He starts to caress my cheeks with his thumb and whispers into my ear:" I'm going to grab some stuff to clean you up, okay babe? I'm not going to leave, I just need to stand up and go to the drawer. Brb babe"
I hear him saying these words but I can't focus on what he says. The only thing I notice is that he's standing up and that doesn't feel right to me. I pulled on his shirt and whined to signalise him to not leave. It felt so bad to feel him leave. He chuckles a bit and says:" We need to clean up the cuts. That's necessary. Otherwise you can get an infection". He talks slow and calming. I love him. I let him finally stand up and he grabs the stuff for cleaning up. I start to whine and cry out again bc it felt so bad.As he comes back, he puts my head on his lap and caresses my face again. It feels a bit better already. Then, I start to panic a bit because he gently grabs my left wrist and looks at the cut. Of course, he notices my worries and kisses me on the forehead to whisper in my ear, "this will sting a little, just hold on to me and squeeze my arm if you feel the need to, okay?"
"Mmhpf" I just muffle, looking scared at the tissue with the disinfection on it. Okay, this will sting. Fuck. I feel the tissue on the cut. It burns so bad. I start to cry again and hold onto him for my life. "Shh baby it's okay. It's all okay. I'm here with you. I wont leave you. You're safe" he whispers again. I start to calm down a little under his voice and touch. After he disinfects the cuts he puts some band aids on it and carefully kisses my wrist. Then he picks me up bridal style, carries me to the bedroom and sets me down on the bed. I feel him leave again and whine. "No no babe, I just want to get a blanket for you and some water. I'll be back in 2 minutes" he says.
I want to scream at him. Scream that he leaves. I have to calm down. But how tf do you make that happen. He really only needs 2 minutes but it feels like hours to me. He puts the blanket over me and lays next to me. I feel him pulling me closer towards him and he starts to hold me tight. I finally felt calm. His warmth, his breathing, his heartbeat, his touch. I relax a bit and notice that I am very tired. I am about to fall asleep in his arms as I hear his last words, whispered into my ear:" Please, never do that again. I can't see you hurting. It hurts me. I am always here for you if you need to talk. Just tell me. I will always help you. I won't ever leave you. I love you so much"
I just muffle "I love you" and then dooze into a calm sleep.
~♡
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Comforting love
Short Storyhey luvs, This is not going to be a whole story with a real plot and stuff. I'd just like to write some little comforting texts since there were phrases flying around in my head. I also think this might help people who deal with anxiety. Hope yall e...
