Diary Of A Depressed Christian Girl

Part title

Okay so here's what's going on......
My life as I know it is going to be over soon. I don't know if it's going to get better or worse but with the way things are currently looking , it seems I'm headed for a disaster. It's my faith in God that's keeping me optimistic at the moment. My dad earlier this evening mentioned (by mistake) that his place of work will be closing very soon. I was attacked by a flood of anxiety in that moment cause this means that we'll have to move out of Harare (the city) and live with my grandma which is heartbreaking for me cause my entire life is in the city.... I mean the house is comfortable I'm just not used to the idea yet. This would also mean that I'll be letting go of necessary luxuries like medical aid lol (when I say lol I'm not actually laughing....probably because it's not funny) so no more going to the doctor for a flu and also seeing my very few friends cause like I mentioned before, we'll be moving out of the city. This could also mean that I won't be able to go to university cause university is kinda expensive especially if it's out of the country which is the best option for people in my country. But this is not why I'm depressed. This is just adding on to my depression. Saturday night was really bad. The entire day was just bad luck on top of negligence so I really wanted to die, I even wrote suicide notes for my family. Trust me it was an entire episode I was snot crying and everything . I'm still alive however. Why? Cause I love and fear the Lord so much and ending your life is a very big sin in the Christian community so I said a prayer. I asked God to take me during the night if my life wasn't going to get any better. Maybe it will , maybe him keeping me alive was his way of confirming that it will but right now , it doesn't look like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. All this might be a little confusing so let me just start from the beginning.....