It was like something straight out from a sad movie except it was happening in real life and it hurts ten times more.
Jiaqi could feel the pain slowly seeping into her as she watches Xueer's face move animatedly while she spoke. At first, she didn't get to what the younger girl is saying - didn't understand the unknowingly cruel words Xueer breathed out as she smiles at her.
"He asked me to marry him."
Jiaqi holds her breath.
"I said YES! Can you believe it?"
Those words, words that were supposed to bring happiness, Jiaqi had always dreamed of hearing them being said. But not like this. Definitely not like this. She was not supposed to be the recipient of those words but she's supposed to be the one marrying Xueer.
"Did you hear me? I said YES!" Xueer repeats what she said with a smile on her face.
Jiaqi could feel her heart break into millions of pieces as she smiles back, using the simple facial expression to cover up the hurt inside her and to convey the happiness she should be feeling for the girl. But the fake mask she wore was squeezing every last drop of happiness out of her.
"I-im....so happy for you." She says, as if the burning inside her wasn't painful enough. Then as her eyes fall to the table, she adds a little quieter, "You two are good together."
Xueer grins and continues to tell Jiaqi about how much she loves her soon-to-be-husband.
It's excruciatingly painful to sit there and listen to every little detail but Jiaqi forces herself to smile back regardless, nodding every time Xueer looks at her to make sure she was listening. But under the table, her hands was were clenched into a fist so tight her fingers were starting to get numb.
Why? Jiaqi cries in the solitude of her broken mind. Why am I not happy for her? This is what I wanted, wasn't it? I wanted her to be happy.
She stares at the big brown eyes before her and takes in the elated expression on Xueer's face. Look at her... she's so radiant, practically glowing with happiness. I should be happy for her. I should be...but why am I not?
Xueer suddenly stops mid sentence as her gaze turns to that of worry. Jiaqi notices it and watches as Xueer's hand reaches out towards her face. "What's wrong?" The younger girl asks.
It was only then that Jiaqi realizes a tear had escaped her eyes and slid down her face. It was her first tear she's cried in years. She thought she had cried all that she could back then.
With eyes widened, Jiaqi lifts a trembling hand to touch the foreign moisture that stained her face. Coming back to her senses, Jiaqi quickly wipes the trail away with the back of her hand.
"N-nothing..." She quietly sniffs and looks away.
Xueer continues to watch Jiaqi with worried eyes. "Are you sure? I have never seen you cry before, Kiki."
The familiar nickname sends a shiver down Jiaqi's spine and pulls her attention back to Xueer.
"You know, I have noticed this about you before... how you would look so happy all the time but when you think no one is looking, there's a sad expression that crosses your face..." Xueer reaches out and takes a hold of Jiaqi's hand. " I don't know what it is that is making you this sad... but whatever it is, it's not worth it. I'm telling you this as a friend, as someone who cares a lot about you. You should never be wasting your time on something or someone that is making you this sad."
Jiaqi holds in a sob after hearing what Xueer said. Does she realize that she just told me to forget about her? That's she's not worth it? The irony.
Just then, Xueer's phone vibrates. She takes out her device to check the message. A hesitant frown briefly crosses her face before she looks up. "Hey, I'm sorry, but it looks like I have to go. You'll be okay, right?" Xueer takes out some bills from her wallet and left them on the table as she gets up, getting ready to leave.
Xueer.. Jiaqi silently thinks.
"It was nice seeing you again. I'll talk to you later." Xueer gives the girl a comforting pat on her shoulder as she turns to leave.
"Xueer.." Jiaqi whispers.
Xueer turn around and give the girl one final wave before walking towards the door.
"Xueer.." Jiaqi lurches out of her seat and grabs onto the back of Xueer's Parka coat.
Xueer turns around in surprise to see the girl she had met a year ago, the girl who was always happy - always so strong and collected, staring up at her with tears running down her face. Her eyes immediately softens. "Jiaqi."
Jiaqi opens her mouth to speak but didn't know what to say. How can she tell her? How can she possibly tell Xueer that she made a big mistake back then? That a year ago, they were together and had been together for five years...almost six. They had shared one of the purest kind of love there was. But because of that one accident, it's all gone. Because a drunken truck driver rammed his vehicle head on into Xueer's car, she was sent to the hospital, stuck on a ventilator and in coma for a month before she wakes up.
The events on that day still fresh on Jiaqi's mind.
Flashback
Xueer's eyes slowly open. She blinks and groan in pain.
"Xueer!" Jiaqi cries, bolting out of her chair that has been her bed for a month now. She runs towards the bed and reaches for Xueer's hand with tears streaming down her face.
Xueer gives the girl an uncertain smile. "I'm sorry but..." Her voice was hoarse. "Who are you? I don't know you."
Amnesia. That was the doctors told Jiaqi. Due to the severity of the accident. Xueer has no memory for the last six years. She has no memory of Jiaqi. Everything that they had was gone. Vanished into thin air.
Tears spill from Jiaqi's eyes as she suddenly felt alone, broken and hollow inside. But that wasn't the worst part of it all - it was the decision that came after.
Ever since she and Xueer started dating, both their families strongly disapproved of their relationship. Xueer's father disliked Jiaqi for ruining her daughter's life so much he went as far as disowning Xueer because she was dating her. The two of them had a good relationship up until Jiaqi came along. Although her own parents did not act any better, Jiaqi felt she was ruining Xueer's life. Add the fact that Xueer's was driving back to their house before the accident. After trying to convince her parents to approve of her relationship. Perhaps that's why she ended up making the decision.
The silence in the room was defeaning. Jiaqi clenches her hands together and shallows back her shock. She bravely looks into Xueer's eyes and gives her a small smile.
"No...." She forced the word out, "No, you don't know me..."
End of flashback
