A BETTER ENDING

chapter one: do she even understand?

"Abby, do you have any goals in life?"

silence followed as I sat there eating my breakfast looking at nothing in particular.

"As in what field do you like," candace asked again when she didn't receive an answer.

just the thought of college made me wanna cry. it was always my dream. it was always something I looked forward to as a kid. but now I am older and more exposed to the harsh reality of what we call our world, I soon realize that life is not a fairy tale. you don't just wake up one day after you are done with high school and your parent just tell you that you're going to college. at least that's one thing for sure I know ain't gonna be going on in my world.

"I like business subjects and the humanities so I would go with anything that has to do with those," I said answering the question. Those were the things I liked. I loved reading. from I was a child, that was something I loved. I would just take up books and sit in the library and read. yup. I was that kid. I mean, to be honest, when I was younger, I wasn't someone who loved playing with other kids much. I would rather sit somewhere with a book in hand reading. I was just that person.

"so you're a reader," she said rather than asking. all this talk about school is beginning to make me emotional. and I hate getting emotional in front of people. that is not something I love. not one bit. never liked and never will like it. you see, going to college is a complicated topic for me. something about it all ways hits a spot. the thought of not being able to live out my dream is not something I can stand the thought. it is not like the whole world is gonna understand that, but at least there are a few people that will. Feeling the tears begin form i quickly got up from the breakfast table and proceed to the sink to quickly wash the plate and head out of the kitchen.

"so you going to college?"

why is she asking so many questions? questions I do not wish to answer and if I don't. she will say it is disrespectful. that is the thing I don't understand with adults. the slightest thing you do that they don't like, you are being disrespectful. puhlease. give us a damn break sometimes. not everyone is perfect you know. and not everything we do that doesn't go your way is disrespect. i mean what is so hard to understand.

"I don't know" was my reply. and to be frank with you, I really didn't know. how was I to know? it's not like I have parents who have money to send me there. they barely have money to put food on the table much less money to send me to school. I mean, that's crazy. where would they get money from? I always had thoughts of doing around two jobs to get enough money to start. but in a time like this. where there is corona shutting down businesses and businesses are suffering. That is definitely going to be hard.