I've been hypnotized. I love you, gypsy eyes.

I Think I Need A Drink or Five

Everyone in the den is looking at me. Some looking at me with pity. Some looking with worry. I don't need their worry or pity. Michael is back, after leaving me for five years. So what? Who cares if he has a wife now? Who cares that he can't even look at me nor speak to me?

I look back down at the absolute mess of numbers in the book Arthur has mucked about, walking across the room towards my office, I unintentionally slam the door shut. I still hear silence out in the den, but after a few long moments, everyone is back to business as usual. I let go of the breath I am pretty sure I had been holding since Michael said my name. I slide down the door to the floor. Silent tears running down my face. No. No. No. You are not going to do this. You have wasted too many tears over him already. No more. Be strong, if not for yourself, for Aurora and your family.

I crawled on my hands and knees over to the liquor bar I have in my office. I pour myself a glass of whiskey and chuck it back quickly. It burns so good. I pour another glass and sit back on the floor against the wall.

A knock on the door comes. I huff, exasperated, knowing it is probably my sister. I roll my eyes and let out a weak, "Come in." Esme cracks the door a bit before coming in. She opens the door wider looking about for me. Finally, her eyes meet my figure on the floor. I continue to look down at the ground. If I look at her I will just cry.

"Sora." Esme whispers. She tries to sit down beside me, it's hard for her being 5 months pregnant, but she manages, nonetheless. I laugh to myself thinking that she is going to have a hell of a time getting back up.

"Liv, look at me." I shake my head. I can't. I won't. Esme takes my chin and pulls it up and over towards her face. Silent tears start streaming down my face again. My sister caresses my face and wipes my tears away with her thumbs. She gives me a look of understanding. No words. She knows there is nothing she can say right now that will make me feel better. She pulls away from me and grabs for my glass of whiskey, downing the rest of the glass. I raise my eyebrow and give her a look.

"What? It's been a rough day. I need this or I might bloody well punch John for getting in a fight at the pub." I raise an eyebrow at her and smile. "Yeah being married to John would make me want to toss back some good ol' whiskey," I say teasingly, rolling my eyes at her.

I adore John. I am so happy that his arranged marriage with Esme worked out so well. Their love for each other is so obvious. They anchor each other, even though their tempers get the best of them at times. John is all heart. He acts on emotion, which isn't always a good thing being a Peaky Blinder. I always try to calm him down in those tense situations if Esme isn't around. He eventually comes round.

John is very protective of his family, Aurora and I included. However, his protection, in addition to the rest of the brothers and Peaky Blinders is absolutely exasperating and over the top. If some guy the brothers doesn't like, or they think isn't good enough for me, they chase him away. I shouldn't even be surprised anymore. I give my brother-in-law's third degree when this happens. Telling them I am my own independent woman, and I am intelligent enough to make my own decisions.

That's why I am surprised that they haven't chased off my date for tomorrow, Theo Blakely. I met him in London on a business trip with Tommy. He is a solicitor for the Solomon Family. We've only been seeing each other for about a month and a half. I've stayed at his twice now in London, while Polly has volunteered to watch Aurora. This time he finally gets to make the trip to good ol' Small Heath for the weekend. Oh Lord, help me now. If his trip here doesn't turn him away from me then it would be a bloody miracle.

I guess I have come to terms that it was good while it lasted. How morbid and morose of me. It will be fine. If he can't handle all of my baggage, then he wasn't good enough for me anyway. I think that is why the boys have backed off him because they know once he comes to Small Heath to visit, that he will run in the other direction. This keeps them from having to get their hands dirty.

I do like Theo though. He is intelligent, funny, and sweet. Okay, and he is absolutely gorgeous which doesn't hurt either. I really hope this weekend goes okay.

Esme pours me another glass of whiskey. "So, Micha...." She trails off when I give her a severe look. "No. I don't want to even go there. Right now I need a drink or five." Esme scoffs, "well it seems as though that wish may come true sooner than you think." My sister then smirks at me and asks, "so, you want to go out tonight?" I haven't been out in ages and I have already three whiskeys in. I smirk back at her, "Why the hell not?"