Ballad Of Love

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اسی پنجرے وچ رحکر تینوں پیار کرے گئی
چنگا ہن پنچھی آزاد ہوئی دا۔

( I've loved you as a caged bird
But now this bird is free.)

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She was walking towards her dream. Towards her biggest achievement. Today she had gotten her Ph.d degree from world's top university. She was standing on the stage where many students wanted to stand. Today she was not only representing her Country India but today everyone knows her as Dr. Zikra not as Zamar Sahab's daughter or As Ahmer Mirza's wife. Today she was Dr. Zikra and Dr. Zikra only. Finally she had achieved her dream of becoming a successful woman.

She had not only completed her Ph.d but she was working in one of the America's leading company as well. And she had gotten her promotion letter this morning. She was now head of her department. She had never felt this happiness in her life. She had gotten everything she had ever dreamed off.

She had finally break the stereotypes of the society and gotten what she had always dreamt of. Surely she misses Ahmer very much but she was happy for him. She was happy because Ahmer had always been the family kind of a guy. He had always wanted kids and a stay at home wife. Which Zikra tried to be but she didn't get succeeded in it. She was not the type of girl who can spend her whole life on home and Never got bored of it. She was the kind of girl who wanted to achieve something on her own and do something in life. That's the biggest reason she had left Ahmer so easily.

She still remembers the day when she asked Ahmer to resume her job and how effortlessly he denied her by saying he can earn enough money for both of them and she can sit at home doing what his mother and sister's do. And that day Zikra felt a tight slap on her face. Does she really only made for cooking and making babies? Does her education is of no worth? Was it all high grades and awards are a waste?

That day she got to knew one thing that Ahmer was not the man who would allow his wife to work or support her in achieving her dreams. That was the day she had decided to do something otherwise she will lose herself forever. She knew Ahmer will never divorce her nor she wanted to get divorce from him. But all she wanted was to achieve her dreams and that day she decided to be selfish. she couldn't let die her Dreams a painful death in the name of love.

And that's what she did. She chose her dreams over Love!

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Ahmer was sitting on the bed and staring at the sleeping Kashmeera. He didn't love her. Surely he respects her alot because she had given him a son. His only child. His reason to live. After what tornado he had been through. He was admiring her features if i could say this.....then i would be lying badly. He wasn't admiring her sleeping form, he was looking for Zikra in her. He Always do. In every woman he passes by he only sees Zikra. His love for her was true and pure but not strong enough. He had done a grave mistake in his negligence and he is still paying for it. He had an obedient wife in Kashmeera and a perfect child. He was living a perfect domestic bliss life. But this is not what he had wanted. He had wanted all of this domestic bliss with Zikra not with Kashmeera but life is cruel and he had to accept it. His Sweeter place had always been Zikra.

He still remembers the moment when his father gave him Zikra's letter and he still remembers how worthless he had felt in that moment. He got up from the bed and goes out towards the balcony. Took out his wallet and kissed Zikra's Picture. He had Always kept her picture in his wallet. And then he took out her letter Which she had left for him two and half years ago. He always read her Letter every morning to remind himself what he had lost in his negligence.

Dear Ahmer,

I know you would get this letter when I'll be long gone. I'm going to New York. You remember i always you used to say that i will do something big in life and how much i love my dreams. And you used to say you'll help me in achieving my dreams. Ahmer i got married to you not because I'm in love with you......ahhhh this was one of the reasons. But the biggest reason i got married to you was that you promised me that you'll help me in achieving my dreams, that you'll support me. But you turned your back from your words Ahmer. When i demanded to resume my job you denied saying 'There's no need for me to work. As you earn enough for both of us and that I'm a woman and I'm supposed to take care of home and children.'

That day i died a thousand times Ahmer. I've loved you but you betrayed me in worst possible way I'm not the kind of girl who would leave her dreams for so called love. I've protected and nurtured those dreams for my whole life. I've loved you so much in just few months then think how much I've loved my dreams, my aspirations.

I knew you would never leave me nor you will allow me to work. That's why i took birth control pills. I didn't wanted to bring a child in our lives when i wanted a free pass from it. And that's why I gave you permission of getting married for a second time. And you know a small part of me who believes you thought that you'll deny it. But you instantly got agreed and married Kashmeera just in a month. That day i understand one thing you surely loved me but you love your dreams more. You love your dream of having a pitch perfect family with 2.5 0 children more. Then tell me why did i sacrifice my dreams for you?

Your mother and sister made me feel worthless and in that time only my dreams and books were the escape. When Kashmeera insulted me i took it all because i knew soon i will be free of all of this.

Ahmer I'm leaving you and i Don't know when will i comeback. Maybe someday Maybe never. I will never take divorce from you because I've loved you truly. Surely I'm not strong enough to let you walk all over my dreams but i want to remain as Zikra Ahmer Mirza till my last breath. I want to meet you in paradise Ahmer. I want you to wait for me their and i will wait for you. Because this world, this time is not for us. Maybe someday you will forgive me. Maybe someday i will forgive you. Till then live a happy life with Kashmeera.

Kashmeera once said to me 'Ahmer is hers' and you know what Ahmer what I replied in return. I said 'Yes he was yours because I've given you him willingly.' she didn't understood me but i hope you did......i will never hurt you Ahmer but tries to understand me Jaan that you've loved that Zikra who was your beauty with brains not the Zikra you saw breaking apart in your arms.

Goodbye

Yours truly,
Zikra Ahmer Mirza.

He folded the letter after reading it and a lone tear escaped his eyes.

"I will wait for you. I will wait for you Zikra. In A Sweeter Place."

"Love or Dreams.
If you had to choose one
Always choose Dreams
One could live without Love
But not without Dreams."

The End.

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