The After Life (A Dancemoms fanfic)

Im falling and can't stop

After staying at the hospital for 3 days, wearing the same clothes, haven't brushed my hair, I've been crying, I've been yelling, and worst my dad never came back to the hospital room, he neglected me. I leave the hospital room keeping my eye out for any reporters. I quickly get into my car and drive on the streets of LA. When I got to my apartment, I could tell that reporters were there. I park in the underground parking lot and take the elevator to my floor and run towards my apartment, I open the door and slam it, I slide down the door and start to cry uncontrollably, I let everything out, all of my pain, my loneliness, my sister, and my mom. I stand up, my eyes still filled with tears and walk to my bedroom, I fall on my bed and just stare at the ceiling, I lay there lifeless, I don't cry, I don't smile. I just lay. I soon fall into a light sleep.

~~~~~~~Two hours later~~~~~~~~~

I wake up to a knock on my door, look through the peep hole, it's a group of reporters, I walk back to my room and go in Instagram, I scroll through my feed, liking fan edits, probably making there day when I am becoming depressed. I start to cry again, it's now not about Mackenzie, it's about how worthless I am. I cry for a good 30 minutes before I slowly stop. I find a little pencil sharpener and rip it open, take out the blade and look at it, not sure if I should cut or not. I pick up the blade and slowly drag it across my wrist, I do it again just below the other cut. The two cuts bleed, I put a paper towel on them and let them stop bleeding. I look in the mirror and stop myself from making another cut. What am I doing?! I quickly drop the blade and look at the cuts. No. No. No.

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I walk on the streets of LA, everyone is so happy, there smiling and laughing with there friends, I just walk with my head down. I walk past a gas station and see cigarettes inside. I stare at them, I know that smoking is a bad choice but maybe it's better then cutting my wrists. I open my purse and see that I have 75 dollars, I hold my breath and push the door open, I walk to the counter. I pick up a lighter and ask the cashier for a pack of cigarettes. He hands them to me, I give him 45 dollars and walk out. Once I get outside I open the pack and take one cigarette out and light it. I put it in my mouth and choke on the horrible taste. I cough, but I put it in my mouth again and this time it's not as bad. People look at me as I walk down the streets with the cigarette. Then it hits me, what am I doing?! My hand drops the cigarette and everyone looks at me as i run to the nearest building, I feel tears in my eyes as I run into the bathroom, find a stall and cry, I hope no one walks in because that would be embarrassing.

The blade doesn't stop cutting my wrists, I try to stop it but I can't, my wrist bleeds into the sink, my wrists will never look the same, they will have scars and people will know what happened, they just won't know the reason they are there. I always told myself I would never cut but it's so hard not to, I guess that's what happens when you are worthless, I cut my wrists without even looking at them. Watching it is unbearable, Mackenzie would be mad at me if she saw me doing this, but she probably won't ever come back, she will never be able to hug me or tell me everything will be okay. She is in a hospital room hooked up to tubes and wires. The iV is all water, she has lost 3 pounds since she went into coma 4 days ago. It's not a healthy drop.

I stare at my body in the mirror and I look fat. I also told myself I would never starve me self but I really want to, everyone tells me I am perfect they way I am but I'm not, I'm a depressed 18 year old who has nothing to do with her life besides dance and cut. Thats not a life anyone wants, not even the greatest dancers in the world.

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Plot twist? This chapter is a little longer than my other ones! Please comment if you liked it! This book is no where near over. I have so many ideas and I haven't hit writers block yet!! We just got 160 views yesterday!! Yay
~Maddie💋