The truth

Journel #1

I find it a little frustrating that despite me hating everyone, I can still fall for him. I can still kiss him and smile, all while feeling the pain. It's a constant battle with what I'm feeling and what I'm doing. How do you tell the guy that you like that you can't help but have uncontrolable moods which make you want to die? How do you make him understand that you're not depressed because you were single or because you are dating, but rather because you can't control your emotions? Or that your friends that you just think you're too fat so you stopped eating? The answer is so simple, you don't. You just keep on doing it until it becomes the first thing you think about in the morning till the last thing that's on your mind at night. Sometimes I can't help but think that no one notices anything that's wrong when that's all I am. Or the fact that people aren't paying enough attention to details so blunt that it hurts. I feel like I've been skipped over, and no one noticed. Like the scars on my arms that you can so vaguely see are open. But then again maybe people think that I'm fine. That maybe I got these from some insane accident. If you look at it that way, they're right. I got these from a accident I call myself. She and another accident called depression hooked up and won't leave. They're on a vacation that doesn't seem like it will end. But then what do I know. This was all just some crazy accident.