I'm just a normal girl. I'm not cute, pretty nor smart. I can't make boys drool over me because there's nothing to drool about me. I can't make them stay because at the first place, no one even tries to stay. My teenage life was perfectly fine that way not until I met one guy who literally changed everything for me.
Naalala ko pa yung mga araw na puro kasiyahan lang yung inaatupag namin. Puro tawanan lang. Walang iba. Hinding hindi ko malilimutan yung mga 'yon. Those were priceless laughs and smiles and I won't trade it for anything or anyone else. I miss those times wherein we would just sit down and make a foold out of ourselves. Those times were the times I'll always treasure the most.
Isn't it so ironic how people find "missing someone who doesn't miss you back" irrelevant? I mean it's really impossible. There will always come a time you'll miss someone and he or she will miss you the way you miss him or her. Maybe that's the second best feeling we could ever receive.
Do you get those moments wherein you just stare at the pictures you took with him? Because me? I always do. And it's because I miss him. I miss the old him I guess?
Nothing is really permanent in this world. Change is inevitable indeed. When you miss someone, you miss them because you care about them, right? And caring means loving right? I'm so confused.
Loving someone is not wrong and never will it be. But loving too many and too much is.
I'm stating too much of the obvious. I'm so hilarious I should marry myself :( Anyways, I just miss the way we used to be. You and I. I hope it didn't have to change but it did. I'm still hoping one day you'll miss me as much as I miss you.
Today we're more like acquaintances. It's like we aren't the best of friends. I miss my old best friend. I'm not used to you just simply passing by me as if I'm nothing. I'm used to you passing by then there you go with your cheeky smile and the way you tease me though I'm sometimes annoyed. That's the things I missed the most. I miss you, please come back.
But whatever happens, I'll always be here, waiting for my old best friend to come back to life again. To see me again as someone important. Someone he can't lose. You know that. You know I'll always be here. I'll never go..
I'll never leave.
But you?
You did.
You left me.
You left our friendship.
Oo, nagseselos ako sa bagong circle of friends niya. In the back of my head I say "that used to be me, that used to be us." but look at us now. ACQUAINTANCES.
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I still remember the time I fixed you up for an event, I looked at you in the eye. And I said to myself: "Wow, you do have beautiful eyes. I wish I could see myself in those beautiful eyes."
I still remember the time a teacher scolded us for misbehaving. I can't count how many times a teacher scolded us for being naughty in class. It was fun. Everything is fun with you.
I still remember the time you surprised me with the thing I wanted the most. And now, whenever I see that, I remember you. I remember how good of a friend you are.
I still remember when all those fancy crushes of mine came by and you were there to back me up and tell me "it's not worth it." then joke about it, then go proclaim it to the world.
I still remember the time wherein we got into a huge fight just because of a certain person..
but the memory I won't ever forget is the time wherein we reconciled. That time I realized I can't lose you at this point, you are everything I have at this moment and I can't risk you. So I hugged you tight, and you said we were fine. If only you could feel my genuine rush of happiness running through my system that time, I'm sure you'd be delighted.
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It was four a.m. We were laughing too hard and the next thing I knew, I fell in love with you..
Is it wrong to fall in love with the best friend I got? People say "you don't wanna fall in love, you don't wanna mess this up." but me? I fell for you, and I'm already messed up. I really don't mind getting all messed up over again because of you.
but one question lies on my mind..
Will I tell you? That I'm in love with you?
I don't want to ruin what we have.
I'm not expecting you to like me back nor love me back because I know you love and like someone else and her on from the very start. Who am I to interfere?
I'm happy you two are going the slow and right track now because you haven't before but how about me?
Will I forever keep my silence?
Will I forever torture myself?
Uncertainty is the biggest torture in love.
Yes, it is. Love is never fair when the person you love someone else and you know deep inside you that you will never be that one he'll love. And you have got to accept that. I HAVE GOT TO ACCEPT THAT.
Iniisip ko pa lang na sasabihin kong in love ako sa kanya, kinakabahan na ako eh.
Whatever choice I make, I'll end up hurting myself; either confessing or keeping it to my self.
Well, I've been thinking through this for months now and these are some aftermaths I came up with.
Confessing; friendship ruined - awkwardness
Keeping it to my self; friendship retained - friends kahit papaano
But.. what? Masasaktan pa rin ako. Diba? It's hard to decide on what to do because no matter what I choose, I'll end up hurting my self. More and more each day.
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Everyday I am killing my self.
Killing my self with what if's.
What If I tell him?
What If I don't?
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Only the four corners of my room knows how much I cry about this at night. Only the four courners of my room knows how much I pray to God for me to have strength to decide.
I'm so stupid. All is to blame is my self.
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But I never wanted any of this to happen. NEVER.
One day I realized, I'm completely all eyes on him. And I don't even care why. And I didn't even bother asking myself how the hell it happened. It just happened.
Life is unfair. He knows me better than anyone else but he doesn't love me.
and yes..
My best friend is my sweetest and my greatest downfall.
