What's Normal?

Chapter 8

Sam stared at her message in confusion and a sudden amount of guilt took over her body for some reason, but she was unsure of what she could've possibly done. Slamming her book shut and running downstairs, "Bye mom" she shouted and stormed out of the house, got in her car and drove to meet Aims at the park near the school to find out what's going on. Still raining heavily, Sam saw Aimee sat on a swing whilst getting soaked. Sam honked her horn a couple of times to get Aimee's attention and then flash her lights to signal that she's here. Aimee saw the lights and ran over to the car; she opened the door, and she was... crying but angrily – she was angry crying?

"Oh Aimee, what on Earth's the matter?" Sam questioned,

"Harry, he's been off with me, I think he's cheating on me. He's been distant, and I can't think of anything else that could make him so uninterested in me recently. I messaged him asking 'What is the matter, is it me?' but he says 'no. I need to focus on lacrosse' and yeah fair enough I know his mom and dad put a massive amount of pressure on him saying that he needs to get a scholarship so he can play at Harvard but every time he focusses on lacrosse he'll tell me beforehand, not suddenly go distant and almost disappear. I don't know what to do. Sam, can you help me, please." Aimee explained and pleaded. The love between her and Harry is so strong she couldn't possibly imagine life without him – and when she does, she breaks down.

"Aimee, I'm so sorry. Have you tried going to his house and speaking to him yet?" Sam asked,

"Yes, but I get turned away. The last time I went to his was two weeks ago and I looked at his phone because he was receiving multiple notifications from an anonymous person, but I couldn't figure out who it could be." Aimee explained further.

"Aimee give me time to think and I'll come back to you with what we can do, is that ok?" Sam asked,

"Yes, thank you, Sam, you're amazing you know that. You really are." Aimee said,

"Try not to let this get in the way of who you are, okay?" Sam said,

Aimee nodded her head and smiled at Sam as she wiped her angry tears away. Sam looked out of the window, looked back to Aimee and she was gone... That's weird, I didn't even hear her leave and she didn't say goodbye, she thought to herself.

On her travels home, Sam wondered to herself if any of this was real, the friendships she'd made, her romance with James, her mother getting better, who she wants to be, what she does and doesn't like, where she wants to be in ten-years-time and how she will achieve her dreams... Sam was overthinking, and it was all becoming too much for her, so she decided to head over to an area of land she likes to call her 'safe place.' There is a lot of pressure on teenagers with who we want to be and what we want in life – especially as they have to make those life-changing decisions between the ages of 13 and 16 years old. Sam's spot was a good place to discover more about herself and really allow her thoughts to run wild and take control.

Sam's spot is on private property but the people who own the land allow her to trespass – her spot is surrounded by a lake and mountains and Greenland and open water. The water was cloudy blue, like the sky, but it had vibrant green seagrass growing beneath the calm water. To the left and right of the water was land, some houses – the sort of housing pensioners would move into so they can sit on their porch and watch the water shiver and feel safety whenever the sun sets behind the mountain peaks.

After Sam squeezed through the broken fence, she walked over to my usual position on the wooden dock and parked her bottom down. Gazing out in the open space at the one-hundred- and ten-foot mountains with drizzles of snow on top, she allowed herself to relax and let everything work for itself. It usually takes around two-minutes for her body to let everything do its thing without command but today it took longer. What was going on? she asked herself. This was unusual, Sam felt safe but incredibly sad; maybe today wasn't a good day to let her thoughts let loose. Sam's mental health had been rather  high but recently it has been poor as she has a huge wave of anxiety hit her daily and she feels so worthless all the time – it's exhausting.

Thoughts started rushing out of her body and she could read each one in the reflection of the water whilst the voices in her head were screaming each thought more than once at her. She moved away from the water because these thoughts weren't the usual thoughts she suffers from. Darkness took over her.

Sitting alone, disassociating herself from her own body and everything around her made Sam feel frozen. She was stuck. She couldn't move. I couldn't change her thoughts. Sam couldn't pull herself back in. She was floating outside of her body looking down at herself and she saw nothing. So, she sat there, contemplating if this was all worth it – the pressure on teenagers in today's society, the constant feeling of loneliness and fear which filled her body with dread from the moment she woke up until the moment she falls asleep again. Sam came to this spot every day in summer to figure herself out, but she never did so she stopped.

Sam moved closer to the edge of the dock again to see her reflection, but there was no reflection, instead she saw a ghost. A ghost that took form of her body and many other teenagers who had been to this place before herself. Looking up at the sky, she saw nothing – am I dreaming this? she asked herself.  Slapping her face multiple times to see if she wakes up, but the answer was no, she wasn't dreaming, she felt as if she was dying.

*Splash* her body fell into the water, not knowing how to swim Sam was hoping she would drown. Receiving her peace at last, it was the most alive Sam had ever felt. Sinking further and further downinto the lake Sam had realised that she knows what she wanted – she wanted tofeel alive. In a panic Sam tried to swim to the surface again as she had finally felt what she's have wanted to feel for years but her ankle was caught on something; looking down to see a blade of seagrass which had latched onto her leg and knotted around her... Sam fought and fought to break the seagrass, but it was too strong – maybe I'm getting what I deserved after all. Accepting that this is the end Sam saw red and blue flashing lights and heard screaming from what sounded like it was coming from her mother. Sam's final vision beforeshe closed her eyes was her dad.