SCP Oneshots

A Cure For Being Stone Cold (049 x 173)

The day began like any other. The anomalies just being within containment. There was the occasional test for a couple SCPs, but the day lacked event. Lacking for every anomaly
Besides
one.

SCP-049 paced within containment. Back and forth back and forth. Like a metronome. His sleek black cloak contrasted the elegance of his marble white bird mask perfectly. You could tell even from the outside that he was an absolute hunk. The SCP had things where it counted, if you catch my drift.

Being confined with only the occasional subject never satisfied 049, henceforth known as the doctor. He needed to cure the pestilence of many more. And he would. All he had to do was execute his perfect plan. He'd been crafting it for months.

It was simple really. Only 7 steps

1. He'd put on a bikini
2. Stuff the bikini
3. Approach Doct-

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The alarms went off, louder than the crack of a bell. Certainly not something he'd expected, but it must have been a sign! A sign today was the day he could finally confess his feeling to his beloved.

Silently slipping out the door amidst the Containment Breach's chaos, The Doctor had to keep moving. Act natural and people would think you belonged. That's how the doctor understood people's mentality here, anyway.

As the doctor went down the hall, he was silent. Thoughts surely ran through his head, but what they were weren't to be shared. For such information would surely spoil the rest of this satirical fanfiction.

Furthermore, the fourth wall was somehow capable of repairing itself as The Doc pried open a door. Now slowing down a bit, he climbed stairs. And he climbed and climbed and climbed. Each tap of his shoes to a step made it sound as if he were wearing the nicest tap shoes in the facility.

He wasn't, of corse, and that was just a silly smilie.

Finally, the top war reached. 049 walked into the next room at a quite casual pace. He didn't have any urgency at all, that feeling instead seemingly replaced by anxiety and nervousness.

The doctor was shaking. This was a big moment, so he really and truly couldn't be blamed. It was confession time, but he was petrified.

Stalling just a tad longer couldn't hurt, right? The Pestilence curing man wasn't ever jittery before an operation. This feeling was entirely foreign to him. Whilst unfamiliar and strange, it was natural. He almost liked it.

"Hello?" He called out. His voice was a concoction, an amalgamation of different emotions. It was so blended you couldn't hardly differentiate one.

For an eternity of a second, everything was silent.

And then a noise came
A reality shattering noise
A world changing noise
Gentle clicking.

The noise pleasured the doctor more than anything ever had. Another unfamiliar feeling. He enjoyed this FAR more.

Swiftly, the doctor clicked buttons and flicked switches. Who knows what half of them did, but eventually the door creeeaked itself open.

And the doctor saw SCP-173 in all his glory. After all this time they finally got to meet. To say he was excited would've been underselling it. He was ecstatic.

"Hello!" His voice now boomed out with more confidence.

And once again, that clicking sound came. That beautiful, fantastic, incredible clicking sound. The doctor hadn't truly felt love before, but he knew it went something like this.

And SCP-173, henceforth Peanut, seemed to be equally feeling, for every time the doctor blinked he approached a little more.

Peanut eventually got close enough to touch, and the doctor wasted no time! He knew a containment breach could only last so long and dearly wanted to utilize this time he had to the best of his ability.

So, gently, he caressed the statue's face. To his shock, it was stone cold. 'How terrible', the doctor had thought to himself.

— lemon warning —

He'd have to fix that. To start, he began kissing the statue up and down.

Of corse to do this, he had to remove his bird mask. Beneath it lay a chiseled man. Definite jawline, pearly teeth, hazel eyes. Everything a single statue could ever begin to hope for. He was truly the definition of a sexy beast.

He started from the nut's eyes, and worked his way down. The statue tasted like cement, but he didn't mind at all. Nor did he mind the incredibly rough texture of the statue's skin(?).

All of this was no more than preparation, though, and it made the doctor quite erect. Finally, after what was a solid ten minuets of preamble, he pulled out his third leg.

The nut surely was startled to see how huge he was. Anyone would be. A foot in length, if not more!! The doctor closed his eyes and the peanut did the rest.

Lowering himself onto the cock via his shitting hole, the doc let out an audible moan. The manhood certainly felt good within the statue, even if it was exceedingly tight.

As he almost let everything out, the anomaly pulled out and sprayed it all over the statue. You would have thought the thing had been painted white with how big a load he delivered.

"Ohh yeah~" the doctor said in satisfaction.

Alas, all things have to come to and end. This was no exception. After another hour or so facility guards came in and detained the doctor. Easily using the nut's weakness to their advantage, they began to escort the doctor out.

Before he left, though, he was able to give the nut one last glance. A final look to express his desperate love. His undying love. His incredible love!

"Farewell for now!" He raised his voice, but was quickly quieted by the guards.

Pushing and shoving, the guards sure weren't gentle with the valuable doctor. This didn't matter to him, though, not in the slightest. For he heard a comforting noise. Clicking.

And thus SCP-173 was cured of the pestilence.

A/N : Hello! Thank you for reading my first attempt at fanfiction. This was written as a joke, although I'm somewhat proud of it. This chapter itself capped out at 1005 words and 5656 characters. I hope to see you again soon!