Never Ending

Chapter One, Dear Diary

Everyone loves to view life as one easy happy adventure. Something thrilling and fulfilling, nothing too harsh or diminishing. For some however, life could be a lot different. Today I'm here to tell you about the first time I kissed a boy. Many times we had the chance to have it happen. During the movies, in between periods switching classes, or simply just after school before we bid ado and rode off on the different busses. I would walk to the park, a simple 30 minute walk each time, for him maybe 10, and we'd meet and hug. At the very start my cheeks would flow with bright red blush. Always hiding my face with long strands of tangled dirty blonde hair. Barely making a gaze ever so often, locking eyes something we hadn't even done for more than 10 seconds. I remember as if it were yesterday, all the times you'd tease me for my bashfulness. It was inevitable. A mere struggle to break from. Many times before over text teasing me of all the times we could've shared if only I could look, if only I could get over it and be done. I sat down on that warm summer bench in the middle of the park. Sitting on the left, with you on my right. Constantly gazing at my feet or anything around us that wasn't you. I'm sure you teased me for it. I'm sure you brought it up a few times egging me on. Trying to get a reaction, a response. A simple kiss is all this had to be. I felt the pressure building up. Tick tick went the time, don't let this fly by. Don't let this one chance slip so easily from your fingertips. All the times you've missed out on before because you couldn't simply reach out of your comfort zone. I remember the anxiety, I remember it all building up, barely remembering how to breathe, all the thoughts rushing inside, inevitable, just do it. As I pushed through every single part of my anxiety that stopped me, slowly moving my hair out of the way, Gently meeting your lips with mine. The sweet embrace, the so very built up moment. The warm sun bearing down on the both of us, in the middle of a park. So sweet and yet very short lived. The anxiety and fear very bitterly took over and the kiss ending abruptly. Something so sweet, a memory so perfect. Now all you are to me is a memory gone sour.