Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
4th April, 2009. England
Dear George,
I have been mumbling about what to write for a week, without really finding the courage to turn into words my thoughts just because they look too much like nightmares more than simple ideas; they seem to catch me wherever I am and make my life hell. No matter how far or for how long, I have been away, they don't seem to never find rest.
I then decided that it's useless trying to fool them, try to overcome the problems without really facing them, acting like they never even happened. After all, what's a Nightmares if it's not an irrational fear that gains its power over your own weaknesses?
That's what I tried to tell myself since the day I met you. I was so sure you were what I wanted, what I've been dreaming all along. But the line between dreams and reality is always so thin and easy to be crossed, especially when you walking with your eyes shut.
It seemed I had forgotten what my mom once told me about being careful and don't let my good faith tricked me. I've paid for it when I learned the world is not as beautiful as my teenage eyes made it look like. I never truly understood those words, I never truly believed them till the day of my thirteen birthday, where my dream turned out to be the worst of my nightmares.
I couldn't run from it, nor could I avoided it; There was no alarm that would have awaken me this time because you were real. The marks of your fingers, I felt them tearing apart my skin merciless, ignoring my pleads, my tears. You played it around well anyway, making me believe it was this way for every girl.
George I was so naïve, that's for sure, I was just thirteen, how could I ever know? How could you ever do such thing to me? To the girl you sword you loved? I wasn't ready for it and still now when I'm alone in my house, I can feel your heavy breath on my face as you please yourself over my mistreated body; I hear your voice In my sleep, telling me it was going to be okay. I remember the pain making its way from my center to my heart as you muttered dumb apologies. I remember believing you, I remember going to my mom and telling her what I have done. You had me so completely fooled, that I didn't even know what we had done was wrong, so wrong my mom didn't want to see me again. She was disgusted by me and that was just the begin.
One by one I saw how you took all the people I loved out of my life. I didn't care at that time, I didn't want anyone beside you, no matter how dark your soul was turning out to be, no matter the madness I could clearly see in your eyes the second your smile turned into an evil grin and you landed your hands on me; I was dumb enough to believe I would have saved you. But something went wrong in the process and when I tried to catch an hand to help myself out of your spider web, you dragged me under again and again.
When you left me without a family, when I finally understood you were the only one who stayed, I thought it was because you loved me and I was willing to try again. I saw you getting better, I saw you being the father I've always wanted you to be and taking care of me; I was ready, ready to forget what you have done to me just to give Paul a chance. He was just a baby and I couldn't blame him for the things you have done to me. You gave me back my freedom, you paid for my college and you took me out for dates showing me things I've never seen before, it was going everything so fine. We were trying and I was so proud of you I thought nothing could ever went wrong. Although I was not used to such liberty and I got drunk every day more.
