Dear, My Love

January

Dear my love,

Hello darling, it's January 1st. Happy new year my love. It's been so long I fear you have forgotten my name. But my dear I have not forgotten yours. Your name still rests on my tongue like sweet candy. I remember the times when it used to drift from my mouth like a song. Not being able to say it to you is causing it to rot away in my mouth. I fear if I don't speak to you for much longer I simply will forget how. How our conversations used to flow in and out like a stream winding through rocks glossy with water shining in the sun. How we could easily talk for hours and not get bored of each other. Darling my heart is sharp with the broken glass from when you left me. You filled me up. There was no glass half full or half empty, because with you my love it was always full. Full up to the top, almost spilling over with our complied love. It didn't happen all at once but eventually my heart was so utterly and completely filled with love for you. But my dear you took a baseball bat to my heart and shattered it. Disintegrated into hundreds of thousands of pieces. I was so full with you I didn't have a need to pursue anything else. You consumed me, and when you left, it emptied me. You broke the window of my love and my heart lays on the passenger seat of the car where the fragments of the window lay, shining in the sun. Now, my love, I don't know if you've ever shattered a real window but you can't put them back together. It's a hopeless project. That would be me without you. That is me without you. I'm hopeless darling. I was entirely consumed by you. My own heart was no longer separable from yours. I trusted you. I was leaning horizontally off a bridge with only you holding me steady. When you let go I fell into the freezing water below. I tried to take a few gasping breaths without you but when the weight of your hand in mine was taken it was like adding undetachable weights to my ankles and telling me to swim. I tried to remain afloat but I am sinking. And my love, I fear I won't be able to break the surface again without you. When you came into my life I thought I was already complete. I thought I was the luckiest man in the world before you and with you. But with you it was like flying. But now I'm falling sweetheart and I fear I may never stop. As my love for you grew so did the space the love occupies in my heart. It expanded and grew until my heart was so full it was bursting with love. Until that one day where it was all taken away from me. My heart was shattered and the glass that was our fragile love fell out of the frame that was my heart. Many things may try to refill a broken heart, some will come close. But a severely broken heart as mine could not be sealed completely. Like trying to put back together a sheet of glass. My hands are bleeding trying to fix it my dear. The blood dripping down my arms is telling me to slow down, to stop. But there is no stopping me, there was no stopping us. But I guess a freight train could stop us but at the time that wasn't in the picture. After the blood on my hands dried and the wounds began to scab over, there were still pieces missing from our glass love. There will always be crevices missed and gaps will be left that no new love can squeeze into. I miss you dearly darling. Come back to me. Please. At this point I'm begging you. 

Love,

Augustus Benjamin