It doesn't matter the words, actions, or intention. In reality, nobody cares about you. Nobody cares whether you live or die when their own life is in question. When faced with death, their own demise, all morals are thrown out the window. Smiles, promises, and memories are worthless. If more people realized this then life wouldn't be so painful.
Painful...
That word rattles my ribcage, shaking my soul to the core. Not many can say they know the true meaning of that word.
Pain. Agony. Anguish.
They're all the same and they never get easier.
The dark fog of emotion continues to gather within my skull until the sharp words of another pierces the veil.
"Aaaaaaaaah?!" the young voice cries out in surprise as I slowly take in my surroundings.
"Arlen?!" Harrison practically screeches my name, his golden gaze going wide and watery. "Is that you?! Tell me that's you!"
I can feel my eyes roll at the sound of his voice cracking in joy. I had never been particularly kind to this boy and yet he expresses such emotion upon my return.
"Hello, Harri," I sigh softly, my gaze taking in my oldest friend.
His golden gaze only gathers more water, their moisture bringing forth tears that quickly stream down his cheeks.
"You haven't seen me in how long and that's the reaction I get?!" he exclaims, his hands balling up into fists. His demeanor doesn't express anger, an emotion I don't ever recall seeing from my now teenage friend.
Harrison Zamora was the only person to have ever caused a disturbance in my mind. He contradicts every thought, every doubt, every whisper in my mind. Even now, five years later, he stands before me unchanged.
His golden gaze holds the fire of the morning dawn. His wild mess of hair sports the color of the softest teddybear and his presence fills the otherwise cold and meaningless void around us.
We were just children when I left and those years had aged our bodies, but from the moment I heard his voice I knew that time had not touched what we shared.
"I simply gave you a very heartfelt greeting, do you expect more?" I scoff with a furrowed brow and push my fists deeper into my pockets.
"Absolutely not!" he cries, his tears failing heavier as he suddenly bursts forward. His body collides with mine and the strength of the embrace nearly topples us both backwards. I'm forced to instinctively grab his waist to steady us but immediately drop my hands to my sides.
"I missed you so muuuuuuch!" he whines dramatically into my chest. "You never called! Never texted! Never even wrote a letterrrrrrr!"
As his tears soak through my shirt I could feel the apprehension bubble inside me. I should've never came back but it's too late now. I'm here and I have to see that my mistakes are corrected no matter the cost.
"Yes, I didn't and you didn't take the hint?" I respond bitterly, gripping his shoulders to firmly put distance between us.
"Booooo!" Harri whines and puffs out his cheeks. " You haven't changed at all, grumpy Rennie!"
'Rennie!'
The memory of a much younger Harrison courses through my mind and it takes all that I have to hold back the shudder that threatens to follow. I had hoped that my absence combined with silence would have deterred future interaction, but the fact that we're having this conversation disproves that. I had barely made it into town before he appeared.
"I'm glad, though," Harrison adds, sniffling loudly. "After all this time you haven't changed and that makes me super happy."
The large, toothy grin that follows his words immediately tightens my chest. I could say the same to him, but I didn't come back home to reconcile with a dear friend.
I came home to kill him.
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