Growing

Summary: Louis had a monster growing inside his reflection. Larry Stylinson. Ziam.

Trigger Warning: This fic is about a serious topic. My ask box is always open, whether you want to talk anonymously or in private.

~O~

Louis sat in the bathroom, staring back at the stranger who stood gasping for breath, the smell of acid wafting around the room.

He was supposed to be getting better, and yet, he found himself relapsing, back at square one.

He couldn’t believe it, and disappointment filled him, heavy, encumbering, a hard burden.

What was he going to say?

He was so proud, visiting just the day before and congratulating Louis on his progress, promising that soon he would be released and asking Louis to keep trying, to keep getting better.

Louis didn’t know what happened.

It was like before, confusing, without a particular cause.

Just like now, there seemed to be no reason in the beginning, it just…happened.

He was never popular, but that was okay.

He had his best friend and he did have a family.

But there was always this part of him that was missing like a puzzle missing a single piece.

Louis remembered the time Zayn was talking about, the promise he made.

“I’ll always save you, Louis,” Zayn had whispered one night as they camped out under the stars.

He thought Louis was asleep, but Louis was fully awake and listening, his eyes closed and heart beating fast.

They were out camping, just the two of them, before any of it had happened, back when the confusion was just a nagging in the back of his mind.

Louis could feel the chill of the night air seeping in through the thin tent wall, and he shivered.

He didn’t need saving, so what could Zayn be talking about?

But looking back, he understood, Zayn knew all along, he saw what Louis didn’t- he noticed that Louis needed to be saved.

He had an empty spot waiting to be filled.

So he filled it with food.

Boredom, happiness, anger, and loneliness were all celebrated by eating.

He just…loved food.

One day, though, food wasn’t enough.

It didn’t fill the hole and he had no glue with which to fill the spot.

Louis remembered a time when he could pass by a mirror without needing to pull up his shirt and tug at the skin that spread across his jutting hip bones.

It was before he was lost, much before he felt that constant need to look perfect.

It was a time when he was in control, in control of his life, of his friendships, and his feelings.

His appetite decreased, and gym hours and his self-confidence increased as he looked at the growing six-pack on his abdomen.

As his feelings for his best friend increased, so did his self-doubt.

And as his best friend slipped further and further away, so did his need to eat.

Louis remembered a time when he could be with Zayn, not questioning himself and his thoughts constantly.