To say Eliza was devastated was an understatement. She was shattered. She couldn't believe this was happening to her, after all the loss...and now this. She simply didn't care anymore, Alexander was dead to her as far as she was concerned. She had been spending her nights back at the Schuyler mansion going through letter after letter searching for clues in Alexander's writing. He used to write about her in the most breathtaking way- was it all just a lie this whole time?
A sudden knock alerted her out of her trance as she heard her sister Angelica ask, "May I come in?"
Eliza tucked back the strands of hair dangling in front of her face and hid the letters on the other side of her. Angelica looked curiously at her as she walked through the door.
"You..okay?" She cringed remorsefully at her rather dumb question. Of course she wasn't all right. She breathed in a sigh and took a seat on the floor right next to Eliza who still hadn't said anything.
"What I meant was...can I do anything for you at the moment?" Angelica asked pushing a wisp of hair out of Eliza's face.
Eliza shut her eyes tightly and let a single tear drop roll down her face. She reached beside herself and picked up the jumble of letters from over the years and shoved them at Angelica.
"Here. Take them. Burn them."
Angelica was taken aback.
"Wait slow down...are these letters?" She started going through them carefully tracing her hand over the old ink.
"Yes. Letters from-" Eliza could feel the lump in her throat forming. "You know what, I'll do it myself. It needs to be me. I need him to feel the pain he's caused me," Eliza angrily ranted.
It was weird to Angelica to see her sister like this. It felt so unfamiliar the way Eliza's usually calm porcelain face was scrunched up in a face that had already lost so much too young. Angelica could feel the anger radiating of her sister as she felt it in her own heart. Why did he have to do this?
Angelica placed a delicate hand on Eliza's shoulder and squeezed it encouragingly. "I say do it."
Eliza's glossy eyes looked up at Angelica's. "Really?" She asked hopeful for her sisters approval.
"It's not my place to tell you what you can and cannot do with your grief... just know I'm always here to support you," Angelica reassured her.
Eliza's sweet smile returned to her face as she hugged her sister tightly. Angelica found that it had been so long since she had seen the smile she loved that it was barely recognizable at this point. No matter, she was just grateful it was still in there.
~~~~
As Angelica was leaving Eliza's room she felt the guilt sting her instantly, like a bee. I could've been that woman. If Alexander and I had taken our kissing to a more deeper level-
Angelica shook her head bothered. It wasn't me though. It's not my fault...right? It was just one kiss, we were caught up in the moment. It meant nothing.
Except it did and Angelica knew this for a fact. A truth that she had been pushing down ever since it had happened. Every time she pictured Alexander's face with anyone around it was pure agony but when she was alone with the company of herself she found it hard to keep her true emotions hidden much to her dismay.
A dark and very primitive part wished she had been the one Alexander slept with. As much as she hated it, her fantasies would take over in her dreams and tell her otherwise. She didn't care how bad she secretly wanted to be with Alexander...her sister was in pain and that was all that mattered. Angelica wished she could just go back in time to the ball. She wished she could take back her toast, wish she could take back her naive- ness, wish she could take back telling Eliza she could have Hamilton, wish she could take back even introducing them...
but that was impossible. There was only one way to move: forward.
~~~~
Eliza found that her only way of coping with her sadness now other than crying was destroying things. She had envisioned knocking over a giant precious china vase every time she'd walk by it in her childhood home. She would imagine throwing the pots and pans from the kitchen out into the hallway just for the hell of it, of course she never went through with any of this.
This however was different. This was personal. Eliza was going to burn Alexander's letters, all of them until there was nothing left. She had been planning this for days now but a part of her always held back. She would scan over them daily and search through every inch of Alexander's beautiful writing he had left her with over the years. She would get the familiar feeling as the words flooded her senses. She would feel butterflies arise as the sentences left her in a state of defenselessness. But as always, she would remember everything that had happened. His writing looked as if he was paranoid in every paragraph and she couldn't escape the overwhelming feeling of dread as the dates on the letters got closer and closer to the time he committed adultery. She angrily ripped up a letter and threw it into the fire she had set in her old bedroom fireplace. Not really an important one, just Hamilton asking about her day.
She had saved the two most important letters for last. Hamilton's first letter to her, and the letter before the day of their wedding. She remembered every significant detail he had put into these two letters as she read through them one last time and reminisced how dear to her heart they were. Her heart sunk just thinking about destroying them but then she remembered she had been too nice about all of this. These letters obviously had meant nothing to Alexander. His writing was an illusion where he would swoon Eliza with his intelligent use of words then leave her to dust for a women he desired more possibly just for her body. Eliza felt sick and she was tired of feeling this. She wanted action but unlike Alex, she wouldn't take action in intimacy with another man but rather take action with rage. As she lifted the last two letters to the fires glow she could feel the tears raining down on her cheeks as she whispered:
"I hope that you burn."
Hiiiii sorry it's been so long I just got out for winter break a few days ago and have been busy with my editing account on insta but anyways i hope you enjoyed this chapter, I feel like my writing is improving?? Leave me critiques please: ) <3
YOU ARE READING
I Will Never Be Satisfied (HAMGELICA) + etc
Fanfiction"I know about whispers...I see how you look at my sister..." ~~~~~ New Hamgelica fanfic for ya Incase you were running low hehe Cover art: Sikzuka (i think that's how you spell it) This kinda sucks but it's my first one hkejwhhxiw Enjoy !
