we are society.

02: substance.

warnings: substance abuse. spiralling. toxic relationships. implied sexual content.

- these short stories are purely fictional.

"no dice."

"just take a hit, man," my friend continues obstinately, emitting a squall of fume - the acrid essence that lingered incinerated my throat for a fraction of a moment. i choke out a cough, waving my hands in a futile attempt to dismiss the molten stench.

"c'mon. i promise, it won't hurt 'ya. it burns at first, but gradually escalates to pure euphoria. and plus, you seriously need it, kai — you're constantly drownin' yourself in 'adminstrivia'. absolute nonsense, i say." the grin displayed across his features presents a brief image of a cheshire cat, sending a jerking sensation down my spine. a tremor of disquietude evident in the atmosphere.

i swallow to suppress my repetitious words of refusal, considering for a moment. perhaps he's right. i have engulfed myself in impractical transcripts in hopes of impressing that conceited bastard i'm imposed to refer to as my superior. i've neglected my own needs, even turning to having sexual relations with a damned colleague. and maybe – just maybe, these cigarettes, described to be odious sticks of unmitigated cancer, might bring what i'm lacking to fruition. and besides, i doubt i'd become dependent on them, my father occasionally smokes - and he's not what'd you deem as an addict. and, most importantly, elijah'll finally quit bothering me.

so, in a swift motion, i acquire the half-lit cigarette from elijah's possession, utilizing the opportunity to address him with a scowled expression when he smirks deliberately. i pressed the end of the stick to my lips and inhaled, the foreign particles assaulting my lungs, and i elicit an abrupt expulsion of air — coughing uncontrollably.

i hear him smothering a snicker beside me. and instead of withdrawing the cigarette and exchanging it with the invigorating zephyr, i merely look at the roll of tobacco, and inhale another puff – exhaling with less difficulty.

"good boy." he says with the intention of sportively tormenting me, azure hues was occupied with a vehemence i couldn't quite decipher. it was an odd distortion, yet i ignore this. i assumed i was simply imagining things.

i roll my eyes at the comment, "tsk - shut it, asshole. you've wasted my time," i regard the time on my watch, our break had ended and unless we wished for the plague that was our superiors, we needed to hurry. "let's get back to work now, yeah?"

he nods - the tilt of his lips still evident as he unlocks the door and waits for me to enter.

i drop the cigarette, stomping on it with the heel of my shoe.

the blaze extinguished within a millisecond.

-

"fuck, fuck!" a series of profanity was further extracted from my lips, almost an involuntary act. the bitter precipitation accompanied me, witnessing my forlorn demonstration of impetuosity. "turn on you stupid fuckin' thing!" my hands palpitated with an uncharacteristic mania, and my throat was scorched - like i hadn't consumed water in days. i wanted a smoke. no, i needed one.

flick!

i inhaled the menthol, immersing myself and relishing the minty enrichment as though it were a religious custom i'd been practising for centuries. sheer rapture shot up my veins and i maintain that this was exactly what paradise felt like. all the apprehension and tension inundating me completely evaporated as though it never existed.

inhale exhale
inhale exhale.
inhale, exhale.
inhale.. exhale.
inhale... exhale.
inhale.

a scrape of a door gained my awareness. elijah. i notice and regard the arrival of the lad, who's neatly styled hair was of a faint golden pigment — with an insouciant countenance. his cobalt orbs scrutinizing my every movement. maybe he was computing and measuring the appropriate approach for this... outlandish situation — me, the model citizen, soaked in the downpour, smoking whilst my lungs rot. i divert my stare as mortification gnawed on me.

"kai," he starts, the ruminative tone was beyond ordinary. and before i could further interrogate his behaviour, i sense him seize my wrist - my back creating harsh contact with the concrete wall and the cigarette landing on the ground. the vice-like grip elicits a fatuous whimper from me. his serpent gaze is fixated on the cigarette's casings with the objective of examining its amount. "how many have you smoked?" elijah probes, appearing overly levelheaded as opposed to my debilitated stance.

"--what?!" i yell, my indignation at whatever tomfoolery he was scheming intensifying greatly. "seriously, what the fuck's wrong with you?!"

"i said, how many cigarettes have you smoked?"

the solemnity of his voice made me recoil out of trepidation of what could occur had i continued to deplorably protest - an action reminiscent of an ill-mannered brat. faintly, i muster a response, "just today?"

"yes, today."

gulp, "—six. when i woke up, twice at home, on my way to work, and.. two more during my break." i answered hurriedly, timidity clawing my entire being.

"huh," he presses an object onto my free hand while releasing his grip. my fingers could feel the figure of a prescription bottle. "here, it seems like the cigarettes aren't efficient enough. so, maybe these might work."

"what're... these?"

"oh, y'know-- prescription. they're good, i got them from a friend of mine," elijah responded - azure shaded orbs exhibiting no devilment, at least, none that i could observe. considering my.. ever-so depleting condition, i had no intention, hell no reason of objecting. "just don't take too much, 'kay, kai?"

i acquiesced with a nod. desolate, and submitting to the this addiction of mine. no? no, no. no. i'm not addicted, i'm not. i'm not reliant on substance. i haven't experienced any incurring adverse effects, right? right?!

withdrawal symptoms; nicotine cravings, mood changes, irritability, lack of concentration, insomnia, increase of appetite, tremors. i sensed my brain begin to spiral, the process of spiralling into void of nihility; declining in an accelerated pace, a pace beyond comprehension.

"--earth to kai? kai!"

"what?!"

"holy fuck, you scared me. answer me when i address you, okay?" he extracts a sigh from the chambers of his lungs plagued with erosion. "anyway, i'll get back to work, see you again tonight?"