Choice

Part three: Liam

I was practically jumping in my seat once the teacher showed us our grade. The project was the best one she had seen yet! And what's ever better, after school, my parents completely trusted Cole and his family because of this. So this meant I could go hangout with Cole as much as I wanted. Life was finally moving in the right direction for me, and I was finally happy for once. For the next two months, Cole and I did everything we could together. Spent the night at each other's houses, went to family gatherings together, and spend everyday after school together. It all felt like heaven. My heart skipped a beat every time someone said his name. Every time he was near, all my attention was drawn to him. However, there was always a deep sense of guilt at the back of my head. My family is very religious and strict, there's no way they'd ever be fine with this. Especially with the marriage. Oh god, the marriage. I almost completely forgot about it.

Prom came up faster than I had expected. Cole kept bugging me to go, even thought he knows I hate any kind of parties. But he insisted. The plan was to go to prom with Cole and his other friends, then we'd spend the night at one of their houses. There were only two reasons I came along. One, Cole begged me to go. And two, it would be odd to be 18 and have never gone to a school dance.

Prom was boring as hell. Straight forward, but it's true. I mean yeah I was with Cole, but I'd rather have been at one of our houses than there. Finally after two hours of watching people have fun, we left to the friend's house. We were all sitting and talking when one of them suggested we'd go to a house party. I was beat, and again, hated parties. So I declined. Surprisingly, Cole didn't bug me about it, instead, he stayed with me. A sigh of relief swept over me. After the boys left, me and Cole went to the back yard and talked.
"Sorry you hated prom so much." Cole said unsympathetically. "I'm sure you are." I said with a slight groan. "Can I ask you something?" Cole asked, his face turned serious. I looked up with concern in my eyes. "Ask away." "Be honest, if you were given the choice, would you opt out of this marriage?" I nodded, almost immediately. "Don't get me wrong, Kate is a very good friend of mine, but I don't want to marry her at all." "Maybe...you don't have to." Cole said with a small voice crack. I sighed. "Cole, I don't want to. But it's something I have to get done. You know this." Cole looked away as if to fight back tears. "Hey, it'll be okay. I'll make sure to call you all the time." I said as I laid my hand on his back. He took my hand, and held it. "C-can I try something?" He asked, shaking. I raised an eyebrow, but nodded. He leaned his head in, but before he could go any further, I kissed him. I couldn't help myself, but it felt so right. Once I pulled away for a second, he grabbed my waist and pulled me back. My arms wrapped around his neck as we kissed for minutes which we thought were seconds. My heart felt so full, my feet were on air. "Am I supposed to do this? You know what? Who cares?" I thought to myself. I knew exactly what I wanted. I didn't want to marry Kate in London, I want to stay with Cole. No one else. Finally, went we both pulled away, I had a terrible gut feeling. "Oh god, what just happened?" I ask frantically. Cole shrugged. "Did you not like it?" "No, I did. I...loved it, actually." I said, my face was turning red slowly. Cole smiled, softly. "I know you have to get married soon, but I'd figure we should do what we wanna do with the time you have left here." I paused for a moment. "Yeah..let's do that."

That night, Cole slept right next to me on the living room floor. I starred at him for a while. I know, that's a little creepy, but I couldn't help but think. Technically, this man is my boyfriend. At least, for a couple months he is. I'm grateful that I get to be with him at all, but I want more than just a couple of months. I want him for a long time, and I think he wants that too. However, there was another feeling. A feeling of guilt. I was going against everything my parents wanted. If they knew anything about this, I'd no longer be their son. I would be a burden to my family, I don't even think I'd ever see them again. My whole life has already been planned in London. I'll be beyond happier with Cole, but what next? I have absolutely no idea what else I can do for college, and being gay isn't entirely a good thing in today's eye. So what could I do? I held Cole's hand, and whispered "I love you" to him. I removed my hand, and feel asleep.

"So, you're bisexual?" I asked Cole. He looked over to me while he drove. "I guess I am. I like girls, and I like you." I giggled as I pulled out my notes. My parents decided since it was summer (and my last week in the U.S.), that'd it be best if I spent it with my "friend." I wrote my poems down with one hand while the other rested on his hand. We were going camping for an week, however, Cole never exactly said to me where we were going. He just said "it's a surprise!" "Cole, we've been driving for 3 hours now. Just tell me where we're going." I said in the whiniest voice possible. Cole laughed with no guilt whatsoever. "Can't say it to ya babe." He said in a fake southern accent. I rolled my eyes and groaned. After another 2 hours, we ended up in a small woods area. A few feet outside the woods, there was a lake that was crystal clear, and not a human in sight. "Since we can do whatever we want, I'd figure we should have a break from people. Whatcha think?" Cole asked as he was parking. "What do I think? I fucking love it!" We started pulling out the beds and setting up the place for a week long stay. Once it became dark, we made a campfire right by the lake. You could hear the water move with the wind, along with the crackles of the fire in the dark, cool night. "It's really beautiful out here." I said with my head up to sky, counting stars. Cole looked up with me, "It really is." He then turned his head to face me. His once smiling face, turned into a look of fear. "Liam," he grabbed both my hands. "Let's stay here." "Oh, I wasn't planning on going to sleep right now." I said in confusion. "No, no. Not that. I mean, stay here. In America. With me." I felt my heart slowly break, I had completely forgotten about that. "Cole, I love you so much that I can't express it in words. But I can't." "But we can! We're both 18, and we have my van. We could live together, and we can both have what we truly want. Don't lie to me, I know you want this. Just say yes!" Cole said in a desperate plea. My eyes started to tear up, he knew everything about what I wanted. I was silent, trying so hard not to cry. "Baby, we're a gay couple in 1997. If we were to ever be together, it would have to be in secret. And not only that, but we'd never see our family again. I want this, you know I do. But we can't be together right now." My hands were shaking. "Please, j-just." Cole broke down in sobs. I held him closer to me, my hand resting on his waist. I soon started to cry. It's a shame that he's the right person, but at the wrong time. "We have the rest of this week babe, let's make it last." I said to him as I held his face up to mine.

After the week, it was time for him to drop me off at the airport. The entire drive was an emotional rollercoaster. We laughed, cried, and for some parts, were quiet. I took two pictures of us, so we'd each have something to keep while we were together. We made it at 5 in the morning. He walked me to the nearest bathroom at the airport. If we wanted to say goodbye properly, it needed to be kept privately. We walked into the biggest stall we could find, and hugged. We tried to silence our cries so no one could hear, but his sobs kept echoing in my heart. I kept my head below his neck, as in attempt to hide my face from the world. I tried to embrace him as tightly as I could, knowing it was going to be the last time I do. After an hour, my flight was about to leave. "Please call me whenever you can." Cole said as he wiped my tears. I nodded. "I love you, so much." I said weakly. "I love you more." Cole then kissed me passionately. I waited until the coast was clear. I walked out of the stall with my hand slowly grazing off his. I made it on the plane, as I watched the sun rise.