no longer - nct 127
angst
one-sided love, friendzoned
—
she no longer needs me, he reminded himself as the emptiness embraced him once more.
not even a month ago she was in his arms for the fourth time since they first met, crying her heart out, as he whispered "it's okay, everything's alright" yet she had now just left his apartment to meet up with the same guy who tore her apart.
he knows it was an endless loop he got himself into, yet he also knows that he'll never get used to it. he knows well he's just some random rest area she stops by when she's tired. he'll never be her main destination, no matter how hard he tried to change that.
he should've known better when she showed up on his doorstep two weeks ago. eyes red. nose runny. all the details were there. yet he welcomed her with opened arms like he always did— and always will.
how did he ended up like this? when did it start? what made him gave in every time? why is he still doing this? all those same questions ran through his mind and like any other time, he purposely left them all unanswered.
how he wished he had the guts to say no when she asked for comfort. to say please stay when she's about to leave. to say i love you right to her face.
two years. this has been going on for two years. two years of envy towards those who had her heart but chose to broke her. and two years of holding himself back from running towards her, to say that he wants her, in every moment of his life.
but the world is cruel as he was forced to only be her shelter and not her home. as he was forced to always be a step away from her and never be on the same pace.
he wanted to believe that every moment of his life pointed at her but at the end of the day he remembered, she no longer needs me.
written: 18 Dec 2020 • 01:43AM
