Shrek fanfiction:Fifty shades of green

Shrek is love, I say, Shrek is life. My love for Shrek was bigger than his huge green sweaty. peas. But wut happens when senpai butts in trying to steal my heart? I can't let that happen. I'd obvs die duh. What am I going to do? Who am I gonna choose? Why are there holes in biscuits? When will Sarah Jessica Parker rea...