"You've reached Westerden Ski Lodge, how may I be of assistance?" "Hey, can I rent some snow boots and skis? Maybe even a girlfriend, if you've got any in stock." "Awesome, do you want to order a life along with that? The gift wrapping's free of charge." "I'll take what I can get." ...
❝Good morning. This is Target, how can I help you?❞ ❝Why do I have the sudden urge to kill my family?❞ ❝...Woah...well...shit. Ma'am, I think you dialed the wrong number.❞ ❝No. I dialed correctly. Are you any help?❞ ❝...No sé qué decir a esta chica loca.❞ In which a girl named Farah calls Target and meets a boy named...
[Highest ranking yet: #1 in Short Story] "Siri, if you were a person, what would you look like?" Does my appearance matter to you? "...."
❝hi this is Panda Express, how may I help you?❞ ❝can i have one order of general tso's chicken? hold the chicken, double the vegetables.❞ ❝how in the world is that general tso's chicken?❞ ☂ lowercase intended. story inspired by many others. ☂ -- just a pinch of love #1 -- #339 in humor 1/2/15
"Give me ten days, and I can give you ten reasons not to die." Evan paused. "And if I can't change your mind by then, you can go jump off that cliff."