Funny Texts and Jokes

Just a bunch of funny texts and jokes. I've gotten them online and offline.

Sun Kissed

"They become like us, but beautiful. Dangerously beautiful. Oh yes. And they can make the sky do their bidding. They cast spells with their music that can take away your willpower. And their hair . . . is the color of blood." *** There's a legend in the Amazon that tells of attractive and dangerous shapeshifters known...

Hired To Love

Henley agrees to pretend to date millionaire Bennett Calloway for a fee, falling in love as she wonders - how is he involved in her brother's false conviction? ****** Henley Linden's brother is in jail for a crime he didn't commit, and she'll take any job to raise the money needed to free him. Soon, she's agreed to pr...

Unholy Matrimony

Tobias and Talia are complete opposites, yet thrown together in an arranged marriage. Can they navigate married life in the wake of a terrible tragedy? ***** After being pressured into an arranged marriage to merge their families' companies, Talia a...

Creatures of the Night

Creatures of the Night is now published as a Wattpad Book! As a Wattpad reader, you can access both the Original Edition and Books Edition upon purchase. Milena, an obedient teenager, has to team up with the supernatural creatures she was taught to fear in order to escape the people she once loved. ...

Jake the Panty-Ripper (Book 1, the Phantoms MC Series)

LIMITED TIME: Read this STEAMY Story and Earn FREE Bonus Coins From Dec 16- 22, read for at least 60 minutes and enter to win up to 120 Coins (5000 Winners) Maya, an innocent nurse, finds herself forced to accept protection from the Phantoms motorcycle gang, specifically the dangerous, irresistible biker, Jake Ford. ...

Funny Texts

DON'T STOP LAUGHING

The Cop Next Door

"Stop it, Dax." I wouldn't meet his eyes, I couldn't. His hot breath trailed up my neck, his soft lips ghosting over the exposed flesh. He chuckled when my back arched involuntarily, my cheeks flaring hot and pink. "It's Officer Rivera, to you." His deep voice rasped quietly in my ear. "Besides, you don't want me t...

Marley Meets Josh

After years away, Marley and Josh return to their hometown high school and fall in love. Can their relationship survive sex, lies and secrets from their past? ***** Forced out of boarding school after her mother's death, high school student Marley T...

I Am Not A Prostitute: Mafia Romance (18+ Only)

Warning: Mature Audiences Only! -Strong Sexual Content -R-rated language -Adult situation COMPLETED #1 in Romance on 1/20/21 #1 in Mafia on 2/12/23 #1 in Fiction on 2/21/21 *** DESCRIPTION: The only thing that was mine, the only thing that was truly beautiful in this world, and he will never find me... "How much...

WAVE

After surviving a tsunami together, art collector Genevieve and CEO Tristan face endless hurdles back home in the shape of vengeful exes and dark family secrets. ***** On the night before her entire life is changed, Genevieve Harding finds herself walking along Thailan...

The Leap [✔]

Emma Taylor's summer wasn't filled with parties or beaches as she'd hoped. Instead life slams her into a dark reality that seems to be drowning her. And she doesn't let anyone in to save her, neither her family or her friends. But life is full of unexpected twists, bad and good. Emma begins to connect with Austin Moo...

The Gang Leader's Girl

******* "Is this what you want Angel?" Axel panted, trailing his lips up my neck to my face. I shivered when I felt his lips start sucking at a spot on my neck. "Come on, tell me this is what you want Mia because I don't think I can keep myself away from you anymore." His voice was deep and laced with desire, his ey...

The Bad Boy and My Cookie

❧♚☙ "Hey! That's my cookies you're stomping on!" My blue eyes meeting his dark blue ones. "What are you gonna do about it?" He taunted, his perfectly luscious lips smirking. "This!" I procedeed to kick him where the sun doesn't shine. ❧♚☙ ❁[HIGHEST RANK: #1 on TeenFiction-31/05/18 and #1 on Jokes - 22/08/20]❁

Saved By a Gangleader ✔️

19 year old Ray gets abused by her foster parents that don't want anything to do with her. She's in her fourth year of university planning to become a doctor. Ray is extremely smart, known for her kindness and most of all, she's very shy. 21 year old Ace is a quiet and dangerous gangleader. He's never been seen with f...

Hating The Player

|| Highest Rank - #1 in Teen Fiction and #5 in Romance || Melody Carson has been in the same class as Tyson McCannon since primary school. She's watched him play with girls, set the school on fire, skip classes, prank teachers, smoke behind the school, break the law, get into fights with other guys for fun and even w...

Heartless (Published under Sizzle and MPress)

Elevators. Airplanes. Palaman ng Sandwich. Yung feeling na papunta ka pa lang at excited ka pa lang sa pupuntahan mo. Yung feeling na palapit pa lang yung birthday mo. Yung feeling na palapit pa ang isa pang espesyal na araw. Yung feeling na ilang oras na lang ay pasko na. Yung feeling na tatlong araw na lang simula n...

Sweet Bastard

Lisa and her boss, Alessandro, agree to spite their exes by pretending to date, but things begin to backfire when fake feelings become real along the way. ***** For two years, Lisa Brooks worked as a secretary to the powerful self-made billionaire...

Storm and Silence

"It is your choice," he said, stepping so close to me that our lips were almost touching. "Either do what I say - or get another job." My heart stood still as I gazed up into his deep, dark, dangerous eyes... In a world where women's only role in life is to sit at home and look pretty, Lilly is determined to f...

Xavier [COMPLETED]

"Close your eyes." he croaked, I did as I was told without any disobedience. "Have you any idea how badly I want to kiss you right now?" I shook my head in reply. "Badly, so fucking badly." he whispered as his harsh breath fanned across my cheek. Dark haired and tattooed, Xavier looked like the ultimate bad boy...but...

Roommates (REWRITING)

CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF BEING REWRITTEN!

Crush

Cami Wimberley has a plan, and that plan includes no room for boys-especially the big time party animal, Hunter Wilder, no matter how handsome and charismatic he is. She's beautiful, a senior, extremely talented, gets good grades, and is working her way toward her dream college to be a musical theater major. Everythin...