Selfish

I was getting better. I was happy. I started to smile and laugh. Everyone would say they were proud that I was getting better. That I haven't cut. But it's all lies every little thing I've been doing is a big lie. I'm not happy I'm not better. I have learned how to make you believe that I'm happy. That I'm better. But truth be told I'm still fucked up. Makes me selfish huh? I have a roof over my head I have a family and I still want to slit my wrists. What's wrong with me. I'm a horrible daughter putting mama and daddy through this. Shit the crap I've gone through I should be dead but I'm not. Why can't I just go. I'm falling apart all over again. I glued the peices together and now they've ripped apart and now on the floor scattered. My thighs and wrists are clean. Do I must be changeing right? Look on my hips. Or worse in my head you'll se what I deal with in my bed. I'm selfish I know.