Loves A Thief

"What I'm basically asking you is, will you be my girlfriend, Evie?"

"No! What! How is me being your girlfriend meant to help your problems?"

"Obviously not real. I don't date, I don't love, and I don't believe in love. But for you, I'll have to show I love you. I'll have to take you out on dates, and once people see that I'm actually falling in love with a woman, no one will hate me anymore. They will finally leave me the fuck alone because I'm in a relationship. And, well, you owe me,"