My Confusing Emotions

You know where you want to do so many things and you just love being with certain people?
But then suddenly all the responsibility is on you you take care of almost everything, command everything and everything is demanded and expected from you..
At first it's fun it's nice to be in control and have so much power but the responsibility the expectations it kills you and when you finally drop it all drops on you and it keeps sinking deeper and deeper till your chest is so tight that you think if you even take one breath you'll explode and simple easy tasks give you the biggest mode swing and you feel dead and meaning less inside yet you have the anxiety that pushes you to do something because it's demanded from you.
I want to be alone but I don't want to be lonely and I'm controlled by my emotions it's a living hell in my head some months.