A.J.
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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing24m
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Wed, Sep 21, 2016
Lucid dreams and wet boxer briefs. My head was swimming as I drove the 2 states back home. The events of the last 48 hours playing in my mind. I could smell her skin. Honeysuckles and rain. Sweet but natural. My heart pitifully added like everything else about her. This was to much my mind screamed. I have to turn around my heart screamed back. "No!" I half scream half begged at the windshield. This was to much. Or was it exactly enough? My heart echoed the words through my body. My hands gripped the wheel turning it uncontrollably the car spun around back in the direction of the eccentrically created brown-eyed beauty that held all claims to have dreamed of me since she was 6 years old. I thought in disbelief to myself Who loves you for you with a childlike innocence my heart added in her defense I laughed out loud it wasn't funny just held an amusing truth I turned up the radio Ron Pope song Crazy Beautiful Love ring out through the speakers I laughed harder now at the irony of life
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My life in ruins, this is where I'm at currently. I was living a lie, lying to people and most importantly to myself. You can act straight all you want, you can try to convince yourself that, but no matter how hard you try. The truth is always revealed. What did I do? I stroked her face, and told her she was still beautiful, then I bent down and kissed her. One of those soft, yet deep, gut wrenching, I'll always love you, but I have to let you go, goodbye kisses. Then I rested my forehead on hers and closed my eyes. I saw the past that we had, all of the memories we had together, I took them in, I felt the feelings again, I processed them. Then I saw the dreams that we dreamed for our future, I saw all of our plans that we made, I felt them, I felt the pain of what would never be, and then I released it all. I didn't realize I was sobbing until I felt her hand graze over the tears. I opened my eyes, blinked away the tears I had left, and smiled. She returned my smile. We knew at that point that no matter what happened, we would be ok.............. This is my struggle, this is my journey. Join me for the ride, but make sure you wear your helmet.

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