.

I'm freaking the fuck out, to be honest. After this appointment is done I'm gonna be like "See that wasn't so hard." But rn... I'M FREAKIBG OUT. WHY DO OTHER HUMANS HAVE TO EXIST? WHY MUST I EXIST? End my suffering, these SSRI's aren't doing SHIT! For my anxietyyyyyyy

"My social anxiety isn't THAT bad."
          
          I just got a call from my doctor's confirming my appointment tomorrow, tell me why I freaked out and just closed my eyes and put my fingers in my ears. Cause I literally can't rn, I'm at my rope's end. I just freaked out, idk. Ughhhhhhh I love having so much anxiety I can't function as an adult, yayyyy!!!!!

Why did someone from Spain look at my book?!?! Lmaooo 
          
          Hello from the other sidddddeeee!!
          I must have called about a thousand timessss!!
          
          Anyway. Just got hate crime for the first time! Feeling kinda nervous! Teehee! I get to joke about this hate crime bc it happened to me so ha. Now to just have a republican call me tranny, and I unlock the tranny slur.

Not my niece absolutely clocking me for no reason 
          
          This morning she was like "You look like a man." And yeah, I am obviously female but see it from the back and I look like a man 100% ever since I was a kid ppl would accidentally call me a boy. Mostly bc I was so shy, I didn't let them have a look at my face lmao. 
          
          And now she just said "*Dead name* is a man!" GIRL!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT OUTING IS AND YOUR ALREADY TRYING. Keep it on the down low! 
          
          And idk if it's suppose to be an insult like "You're not pretty like a girl, so you're a man??" Because I feel like if she thought I was ugly she would just say that, kids are wayyy to honest lmaoo. She is CONSTANTLY clocking me, so rude. I DIDN'T EVEN DRESS UP TO LOOK LIKE A DUDE, THIS IS JUST WHAT I LOOK LIKE LMAOOO And I dress like Adam Sandler if he dislikes baseball a lil more and liked yoai a WHOLE lot more.

Dad recommends movie. Seems like a man flick, but kinda good. Decide to watch it anyway. Main character looks like a straight man's wet dream, but she's cute. 2 side characters are gay, score. An extremely sad background character is announced, her story? HEARTBREAKING, her love interest? Main character. Lesbian Main character in an action movie. LETS GOOOOOOOO ABSOLUTE SCOREEEEEEEE. BUT OMG I ALMOST CRIED HER DEAD LOVER'S STORY IS SO SAD AND SHE'S NOT EVEN DEAD SHES JUST SUFFERING
          
          The Old Guard, btw.
          
          "He's not my boyfriend. He's all and he's more." OMG THIS MOVIE IS SO GAY. MY DAD RECOMMENDED ME THE GAYEST MOVIE LMAOOOK

Don't you love when you're just standing up walking and then turn around and the black edges start taking over you're vision until you're basically looking through pinholes and you almost fall over but play it cool. That's such a normal and cool thing to happen yay.

Sometimes I think I'm the worst person to have ever existed... and then my mom brings home a kitten who was stuck under a car. Literally like jumping outta my arms, scared and pretty sure this is the first time he's ever met humans and under an hour he's now purring SO LOUD and is trying to get my attention bc I'm typing rn and giving all my attention to my phone. Literally I placed him on my bed bc he kinda freaks out if you pick him up, and he INSTANTLY started purring. I knew right then and there... we're gonna be pals. HE'S LITERALLY MELTING INTO MY HANDS EACH TIME I CARESS HIS FACE. He might be a she, I haven't even checked bc at this age it's so hard to tell. And I think he pee'd on my bed, but ya know. Ok I gotta stop typing he's staring at my hands lol

When I try to gently rub his ear between my fingers like I've done for years, but I'm just petting a wooden box.

I remember when you used to be this small.
          
          To fit into my cupped hands so easily.
          
          I used to be a lot smaller, too.
          
          It's hard hugging a wooden box.