𝑀𝑦 𝑀𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑑𝑦 🌺

I dont think i will ever be enough for someone to stay

I never want to love someone again

I wish I'd just died that night. It was the perfect opportunity. 

I wish you would care about me like you're supposed to. I know I don't matter to you. I am forcing myself in a shape that isn't me to be liked by you, but you reject me in any shape. 
          
          there is always something that bothers you about me. 
          
          & there is enough big enough for you to care.

You cannot save me. You can only love me. 
          
          my fate is sealed. 

Why can't I never be enough? Why is only my body in the focus? Ain't I more than my body? Is my personality so draining that someone would focus only at my body and doesn't even try to get to know me more? 
          
          I like the kind of attention and all the compliments, no questions asked. But I just feel like an empty shell this way. As if only my body exists and nothing beneath it; as if no soul would dance inside of me, creating a beautiful place inside of me called personality, which roots into deep thoughts and feelings. 
          
          Why can't I never be enough for someone to truly love the full me, not only the shell of me? 
          

don't lie to me, I know you don't care

Sleeping so much lately because I can't stand being awake. I hate being alone like this, alone with this killing thoughts. I started with harsher sh again. 

I really wish someone would notice how bad my state is, but at the same time I don't want anyone to notice. I like the idea of getting help and being cared for, but I feel like I don't deserve help and that I am just a attention seeker. 
          
          Everything is getting worse and I all those fake smiles feel almost real. 

I think I'll never be okay.