This is just me ranting about not feeling great, if you're not in a good mood, this'll make it worse, so just ignore this. If you're bored out of your mind, enjoy me suffering down below :)
It hurts, a lot. Or at least I know it should hurt, but I don't feel anything at all. I'm completely numb.
But I feel the weight of it, you know?
I'm so sick of ups and downs.
It's like the higher I go, the more I fall.
The happier I am, the worse it'll all be in the end.
If I'm going to feel bad, can't it just stay that way?
Does it really have to give me false hope every time, that I cling on to like some idiot, genuinely believing every single time that things will get better, but guess what? They don't.
I get up, only to fall down again.
I keep falling harder and harder, and it's getting harder to stand back up every time.
It makes me want to stay down.
When you hit rock bottom, you can't possibly sink any further, right?
If you're reading this, thank you, it shows me that at least some of you care enough to listen. It means so much to me when you guys come to cheer me up, really. But I don't believe a word.
It's not you guys, it's me. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's just like that. Nothing feels real, not even life, so how can I believe words?
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I was doing better, really. That was thanks to you guys. You really did make a difference. But light only lasts so long. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. And if you turn it off? No more light, just dark. There will always be dark, so how can anyone get better?
I'm so sick of everything. Wouldn't it be nice to just disappear? Lie on empty beach, listening to waves. That's where I go in my mind when I'm really not ok. It's a nice place. I'd love to stay there forever and ever. I want to forget about the world, forever.
