-SUBROSA

   "you're right.  someone probably will,"  he smiled back,  pretending to accidentally mix up what jon said because the only thing that could ever catch his attention was jon!  duh.  besides,  that gorgeous smile and the coy way he hid it behind his glass had his heart beating three times faster.  
              the approval meant everything to the bodyguard,  and he also leaned closer like he couldn't help it.  like it was where he needed to be.  "we can absolutely pencil in silly tourist activities.  i wanna get a really tourist-y hat."  

( @failedangels )
            
            He shook his head fondly at his admission, looking right back at him with 'heart-shaped eyes'. He couldn't help himself— and Tom, on the other hand, seemed to charm him effortlessly!
            "It's a beautiful place, I'm sure that *something* will catch your attention," he answered with an amused (and also flattered!) smile, hiding himself behind his glass of wine for a moment, before sipping it again.
            "Wonderful. You have thought of all the best activities we could be doing," he nodded his approval, leaning over the table towards him. Subconsciously. "A moment between the bookstore and dinner to just being silly tourists and take some pictures around, too?"

   little did tom know that there was such a simple way of getting a kiss from jon!  ha,  but in all seriousness he was trying to work himself out of such a negative thought process.  he just wasn't sure how much he truly deserved to  'move on'  when he'd done so much damage.  "i don't know if i'd be as focused on the books,"  he admitted quietly,  because it was no secret that he'd take looking at jon over reading a book any day!  and anything that interested the musician also interested  *him*,  and it was always nice to watch that expression on his face when he was excited about something.  he was as close to perfect as anything would ever be.  "that sounds great!  we could go out for dinner after."  

@RED-EMPTION // LEMME GRAB MY ICE CREAM, I'm sure I'll need it for all the emotional stuff (': ahhahah

@-NEVERALONE   /   you gave me all the muse with the lyrics,  operation thomathan reunion is a GO!!!!

@RED-EMPTION // OMGGGG !!!!! EXCITED TO SEE WHAT IT IS YOU'RE WRITING, ALREADY !!!!! and you beeett !!! tysmm, I def will <333

( @basstardchild )
            
            "Oh, like a judge? You get to hear all the stories and select them most embarrassing ones? This would make a great game, wouldn't it?" Alex, of course, would be the one to react with that level of excitement to the idea.
            Jon, as if for contrast, was playfully glaring at his childhood friend. "Shut up, Alessandro!" he threw a chip at him— the Italian almost managed to catch it with his mouth, and while trying to prevent it from falling, he almost dropped his burger in the process. In the end, it was a successful, but-not-that-elegant, double save!
            "I never dropped food in my life— and I won't drop now! MWAHAHA! But, yes, cara mia <my dear>. This. Is. THE. Life."

  "you'll both have to tell me each others' secrets and i'll try to work out which are more embarrassing,"  this was a win in eva's eyes!  there was so much to learn about them,  and she was more than happy to have them both work it out with her in the middle!  eva grinned as she also took a bite of her burger,  leaning back and making a small cheering noise in agreement.  "sooo good.  this is the life,  huh?!"  

( @basstardchild )
            
            "I'll make sure to leave the fire extinguisher at ready, then," the Italian joked, grinning to her. "Regardless, I'm sure you'll like to hear what I have to share!"
            "You know I can hear you, right? I don't need to remind you that I also know your most embarrassing secrets... right?" Jon teased, quirking an eyebrow up to him.
            "Errrr... remind me to tell you later," the drummer said to Eva at last, taking a huge bite of his burger, speaking through a mouthful. "Mygod, this is GOOD!"

   it was sort of the same thing,  the situation with his sister.  except...  well,  they were on separate sides of the situation.  jane left,  and so did tom.  new city,  new job,  trying desperately to think about anything  *other*  than  *family*.  it's a selfish way to grieve,  and tom knows that now,  but it's too late to go back on it.  he visited his dad in hospital for so long,  but slowly separated himself from the other visitors.  he made the choice to leave without telling them,  to ignore all the phone calls and the texts,  and then he went and asked his sister for a favour.  jessica,  who had truly benefited from her stint in the band,  was still pissed off with him.  she had every right to be,  juggling so much at once and still dropping everything for her stupid little brother,  who hadn't actually spoken to her properly in years.  
            
              he knows he should go back to manchester and try to make things right.  he knows it's his responsibility to take that final step,  but  *how*?  it's not like he's over the loss he ran away from,  and going back to the house he grew up in felt like torture.  but,  looking at jon and hearing him all here and now,  he knew that's what it would take.  to make up for it,  relieve the guilt by trying his best to explain it all,  and maybe then he wouldn't hate himself as much as he does now.  maybe then he wouldn't always run away,  and would learn that communication is so much easier than he thought. 
            
              "i did love you,  jon,"  he didn't say anything about the joke.  because it still made him sad,  and he felt awful that it was  *jon*  trying to make  *him*  feel better,  even after all he'd done.  "i just didn't deserve you."  
            
              he looked up at his face properly,  admiring the features in a way that he hadn't been able to do in a while.
            
              "maybe one day i will.  i hope so,  at least."  

( @failedangels )
            
            "It doesn't make you a bad person," he said, after listening quietly to every word he said. And also hear what was left unspoken, but was just as clear to him, now, in the sound of his voice. All the pain, the uncertainty, the grieving... he, too, was grieving. He had been there himself, he would be able to recognize the look in his eyes, now that he was being so open... more open than he had ever seen him being before. He wouldn't make Tom regret doing this. "It makes you a *person*. Sometimes we do things we regret... I know. I've done plenty of shit. Things that hurt the people around you. But family and friends... they aren't just anyone. They're called that way because the bond yous share is different. It's for life. You can always say and show them you're sorry, and if you really mean it, they'll know. And they'll forgive you. It's never too late— it's all they're waiting for, actually. Every day. All they want is to be family and friends again." he paused then, letting him know why he was telling him those things, so he would know they weren't just empty words of comfort in a vague attempt to make him feel better. "I shut my sister off after a really important person passed away... because she decided to leave us and move in to London. I presumed she didn't care... but she was hurting so much, that all she needed was to be away from the city and everything that reminded her of him," he shook his head. "I am not saying it's the same thing... I am far from comparing anything. I'm just saying that... you did what you had to do to try and find yourself again, and that's valid. It doesn't have to mean you no longer have a chance to reach out for your family again. And as for me... hon, broken hearts make the best of music," now he sent him a small smile, throwing in a little joke just to try and make him feel a bit better. "Go and break my heart. I would always choose you to do it, over anyone else."

   he hated saying things out loud.  because it all seemed so obvious to tom—  every action was shadowed by self-doubt or hidden frustrations,  and they were consuming in the way he felt them but,  apparently other people couldn't see that.  
            
              "it was never your job to do that for me.  i did all of this to myself,  and i dragged all of you into it.  i didn't want to do that,"  hence why he'd been so distant at the start,  why he sort of hid behind jon when he had to talk to other people on an emotional level.  he felt these things in their entirety,  but nobody knew him before his struggles so they didn't know how different he was these days.  he'd never been much of an insecure guy,  but that seemed to have flipped on his head.  "i wish your friends weren't so nice to me.  even after all this,  they aren't—  y'know.  they're  *nice*  even though i left a grieving family behind in manchester and then i broke your heart,  and i don't know if they—  or  *you*—  know what they're—  i don't know.  i would have left them too if you hadn't asked me to stay.  and i know that makes me a bad person."  his laugh that followed was humourless and forced,  like he was still very embarrassed that he was still....  *talking*.  god,  he needed to stop. 
            
             "anyway,  it—  it's fine.  none of this is your fault.  i knew what i was getting into.  and i'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and the band."   

   she would call him silly for even considering feeling bad about it,  because their situations weren't the same at all.  her and tom both came to the decision together,  drunk,  watching the sunset on holiday with emotions that neither one of them understood.  tom and jon were the real thing,  and it didn't feel like either one of them agreed with the action.  so,  eva would be there every step of the way to support jon.  the bassist smiled at him,  clinked their glasses together,  and nudged her leg against his.  "cheers."  

( @basstardchild )
            
            Oh, he could see it. The joke. Maybe one day, he would be able to laugh about it... and the fact that he was venting to Eva, who was technically Tom's ex. How messed up was that? He hadn't noticed it, at the point. It would make him feel like he was very indelicate with her, afterwards, when realization finally hit him... it just showed, though, how much of a family he saw on both her and Alex, that his first instinct was to let it all out with her instead of thinking it through. "Don't mention it," he found her eyes— and seemed to get the message. No need for words. He raised his glass towards her in silent appreciation for her, resting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze as a 'Thank you, too'.

   there was a joke here somewhere about how they'd both been broken up with by the same guy,  but it was funny how different their situations actually were.  because eva was devastated  *for*  the two of them,  and she hadn't been too upset after her own separation.  the wine was a necessity,  and she turned to the side to offer to hold both of their glasses so jon could fill them up easily.  "thank you."  she smiled back,  trying to make hers more supportive and lingering so he knew that they really would all be okay.  even if it feels shit right now.  

   "i'll be counting on it."  he laughed,  leaving that as his final sentence before actually leaving with a stupid little smirk on his face.  god forbid if eva saw him leaving a room with a look like that on his face,  their cover would surely be blown.  and tom was the one that was doing all the panicking over it!  he went back to his usual position for shows,  after having spoken to the others on the shift and of course staying vigilant.  it was weird to stand there,  looking away from jon,  listening to his voice sing lyrics that were written about him.  he couldn't really allow himself to think about it,  of course,  because he wouldn't risk jon's health and safety for daydreaming like that.  but as soon as the show was over,  and the venue was empty?  he'd eventually make his way back to jon.  

( @failedangels )
            
            "Ugh, you're evil," he complained softly as the other distanced himself. Nothing but fondness in his eyes as he did so, though. Tom was like... his angel. His freaking guardian angel. But for one, he was a bit too 'evil' sometimes, indeed! Look at that wink! Look at the way his tone of voice, alone, close to his ear had made him shiver. The way his heart beat like crazy in his chest! All because of him, the sweet, adorable 'bastard' (probably no one ever used that word with as much love and adoration as he did for the other!) "There'll be revenge," he pointed at him playfully, just before he disappeared completely— the wink turning his world completely upside down.

   he liked this personal version of jon,  one which he got to see bits of even during their first meeting.  his silly jokes and scared flirting,  his teasing and panicking and everything else in between.  he loved this man,  and he's never experienced anything scarier.  honestly,  his day job was less intimidating to him than his relationship with jon.  "okay,"  he said gently,  eyes still lingering on him like he hated to have to look away.  "hope i get a glimpse of you during the show.  you look gorgeous up there."  he leaned in slightly to mutter his flirting,  because he knew he should be ashamed to do it on the job.  but he'd be focusing as soon as he walked out,  so he deserved this!  before he walked out,  he stepped back and sent jon a subtle wink.  just to give him something to think about,  of course.  

( @failedangels )
            
            The look in his eyes was all the answer he needed, honestly. The way he looked at him, so sincerely open and vulnerable— that spoke more than any words ever could. However, when his boyfriend did reply... it got Jon melting, all over again. Listen, he's a romantic guy, all right?! He always dreamed of meeting his 'prince charming'. And there he is, laying down right next to him. Jon leaned forward and touched their foreheads as another silent 'thank you'. "And I've got yours, too." he couldn't fight... not with his fists, like him. But he would fight for him in all the ways he knew how. That's for sure.

  "jon.  don't be silly."  his other hand went to the back of jon's head to brush through his hair,  not knowing how to reply for a few moments as he continued to fiddle with his boyfriend's hair.  "you don't have to thank me for that.  you deserve more.  i've got your back."  

( @failedangels )
            
            Well, the official request would come tomorrow morning. So he could thank him for it when he officially accepted it. For now, he had some more thanking to do. "For... looking after me and being by my side even when I didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve *you*," he gave his hand a light squeeze, eyes locked with his through that whole moment.

   "you're too kind."  he smiled to him,  promising silently that he'd make food for jon as offen as he wanted it.  jon could be his taste tester!  "you would say that even if i didn't.  but i'm glad you think so,  anyway."  

( @failedangels )
            
            "Oh, goodness— I *love* it." the word 'like' was definitely not enough to describe it. Usually, he didn't have much appetite; he would eat a little and go to practice, or move to his studio or bedroom to write... but he felt like he could finish this plate, and maybe even have some more! It was delicious. "You're full of hidden talents, aren't you? I always knew that— I could tell!"

  he waved off the flattery,  because jon seemed to find that too easy.  to claim that he was  *modest*  and things like that.  it was funny to be known like that,  so quickly and quietly and subtly.  "it was a pleasure."  he ducked his head to hide his smile,  watching the musician's face to keep an eye on his reaction.  listen,  he was expecting the flattery,  to be honest,  and it made his expression lighten up into one of incredulous fondness.  "really?  you like it?"  tom took a bite,  admittedly rather satisfied with the end result.  yes!!  he could impress jon!!  thank god for that.  

   tom never looked at the positives,  that might be his problem.  jon was the first positive thing he'd considered in the last year or so,  and he still didn't know how to navigate it.  it was complex to feel something good,  even if there's the underlying feeling that it was too good.  of course,  tom didn't mind that he didn't want to speak about it yet,  because the bodyguard probably wasn't good enough at being comforting yet.  he could give a hug,  let someone talk at him,  but he didn't know the words to make something better.  so,  rather selfishly,  thomas d'angelo was glad they wouldn't need to get all depressing.  he shrugged  (  he didn't know why he was apologising—  he'd hardly registered that he did it  )  and closed his eyes at the kiss to his forehead,  electing to try and get as many of those from jon as possible from now on.  "pssht,  special guest.  yeah.  i like that idea."  he smiled,  silently baffled by jon's ability to get him to relax so smoothly.  "can't promise i'll do much focusing on the film,  though."  

( @failedangels )
            
            He wouldn't put a significant effort into hiding that information from Tom, like, for the whole eternity..! But for as long as it was possible, he would let all those problems with David unmentioned. He wasn't used at opening up with people about things that bothered him; he always tend to look positive, although not in a superficial way, either... he just didn't want anyone worrying over him. In all honesty, he probably wouldn't even know what to do if someone started to openly look concerned with any matter about him or his life. He was used to look after others-- not the other way around. Of course, it was a reflection of his childhood. Things he needed to learn how to work around, but... it was a long process. Definitely not something that would be changed overnight.
            However... one thing is for sure: from everyone around him, the easiest person to talk with is Tom. And if he were to let his guard down with someone... it would be with him...
            "Why you say sorry, darling? There's nothing to apologize for," he reassured him, content that he now could lean forward and press a kiss to his forehead, and that it wouldn't make things awkward! He smiled at his little joke, then shook his head with fondness. "I'm glad. I won't let you down," he joked back; of course he meant it, too. But he threw those words in more as a way of getting him to relax, more and more, gradually. "Thank you for such a wonderful evening. Will you, please, stay over tonight? Not as my bodyguard. But as my special guest? Watch a film with me, ordering together some dinner, maybe?"

   yet again,  jon was probably right in that any mention of what david was doing would probably not be particularly well-taken by tom.  he'd probably ruin the moment by trying to track the bastard down,  and then their lovely evening was over!  so,  sure,  it was probably smart to leave it for another day,  particularly if jon didn't really want tom to know.  which was also fair enough.  but if he caught wind of what was happening from anyone else,  he  *would*  hunt him down!  damnit!  like a stupid spy movie or some shit,  whatever.  he focused on jon instead,  on the way he cupped his face like this was something they could just  *do*  now,  and thomas decided he wanted to feel the touch of his hands forever.  his free hand rested on jon's arm,  perhaps trying to keep that hold for a few seconds,  and gave him a private smile.  "no,  no,  sorry.  i want this.  i really want this."  he doesn't know if it's okay to  *want*.  it feels wrong,  somehow,  but cant figure out why.  "i left you waiting for too long as it is."  he joked,  although it wasn't through choice,  and was happy that now was the moment he felt ready to face this.  to feel this.  he stopped keeping jon waiting,  because he was  *ready*.  

@RED-EMPTION // *rubbing hands like a cartoon villain* I gotta make aRT. HAHAHAHA and YAAAAYY !!!!! you go, TOOOOMMM <333 makes sense for the best player of England (': (his bf def agrees and there's applause from him in the background) HAHHAHA

  /   THOMATHAN OTP!!!!!!  he's the number ten for england too.  he just got his number back too <33333  exciting 

@RED-EMPTION // GOTTA MAKE EXCLUSIVE TOMATHAN ONES, TOO HAHHAHA
            what's his shirt number when playing for England ?? just askiiinnggg *innocently* HAHAAHAH