I made it to the final round of Ambys in both of my books, Mudhaven and SKIN. While I'm super honored and proud of it, it got me thinking.
Mudhaven was a walk in the dark for me. There was nothing going on in my head when I wrote the first chapter. Maybe I didn't even know where I was going in the middle of the book. Overall, it feels like a really messy book. I'm not proud of it. Every time I read parts of it, I either cringe or want to majorly edit it. But at the same time, I see it as a lost cause. :(
As for SKIN. I have put it into several awards, and I never believed I would win any of them. I'm super happy people enjoy the book, because like Mudhaven, I kind of question the strength of the book. I'm not a fan of it. To be realistic, this was my first "horror" book I've ever written. I'm a fantasy writer. This was very spur of the moment. While I really enjoyed trying something new and exciting, it gets me questioning how I can do better.
Also, when I was writing it, I was writing it in British-American English/Canadian English due to some inside joke. Essentially, it was to hide my obvious English American language to some friends. But now that the book is serious, I'm contemplating if I should re-edit the book and put it in American English since that's what I write in.
Anyway, I'm still writing a book. I'm super invested in this book, and the plan is for it to be in the Wattys next year. It's going to be a novel, and currently, it's over 100k words, unedited. I'm super excited for it, because it's more my style.
Thank you all for the love, support, and kind words to my works! I'm not trying to sound like some insecure writer. I'm just trying to explain why maybe one day those two books may disappear from my list....I always strive to be the best writer than I can. I give myself high expectations. That doesn't mean I'm not proud of my works, and that I think I'm an awful writer or anything!
