i have fallen into the endless, dark, "emo" abyss where you are forced to or you have no other choice but to listen to songs from musicals and/or all twenty one pilots songs because you are used to it and you can't stop whether you try to or not. you just go back to the same songs, over and over, repeating day and night. and you can't do anything about it but give in and 'go with the flow'.

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when you're reading your everyday gay fanfiction and you're craving for this certain character to top but then five minutes later you want the bottom to top so you get frustrated at what you're reading so you look for another fanfiction where the bottom character tops but you want the former-top character to top again but you're not satisfied with the fanfiction you were reading so you find another story where the top tops again but you can't find anything to ease your satisfaction (if I'm using the words right) and you just stress out about everything in your life; your school life, your family, your friends, your non-existent love life, your still-yet-to-deal suicidal thoughts and you can't do anything about it.

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i clean when i'm sad lol
she/her