-blackandwhiteTV-

music isn't enough anymore i need to gouge out my eyes w a butter knife

the way fear hits my soul like a brick through a window pane when i remember the videos lol

catholic guilt is crazyyy whenever i go outside i'm convinced everyone can see right through me & knows i'm a dirty sinner

to resolve a conflict
          is a sort of undoing, too
          
          if you unravel me, will i finally be gentle, my flesh tender?
          could you stand to look at me then?
          an apology is also a kind of vivisection

so it's all cool when saints partake in mortification of the flesh but as soon as i do it i'm mentally ill? fucking double standards

i'll be the door, she is the window
          that's all we've ever been

gonna actually go crazy

i can’t hold a rabbit in my hands
          without remembering feeling the vertebrae snap like chalk
          
          to be motionless is to self-immolate, and
          being faced with tenderness, i must destroy it before it destroys me
          
          murder is also part of parenthood.

do you remember the ceremony? it was never valid, couldn't have been, but he wanted me to think it was

if i had no history, would you let me sleep on your bed?
          if i keep baring my neck, will you bite it? will you kiss it better? will you look at me at all?
          is there a point in showing submission to someone who feeds you to put you down?