الشفاء

Gonna start writing one shots y'all 
          Cause I'm too bored in life T-T 

Hello ,
          Hope you are well. I have started to write again. Please support me. Also let me know your thoughts on it. It will be helpful.
          Thank you
          
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/261712085?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=lifemeansbts

What do I own that I feel afraid of losing?
          What's mine? The heartbeat?
          The brain?
          In true sense of ownership
          I've no control over the beating of an organ for its an involuntary action
          Neither do I guide my brain
          For I can't dive against the past that has make it for what it is today.
          To run away , has never been an option 
          And I'm not one capable of facing it and mending It using my future.
          For the brain itself guide my way through the future , for past controls my brain , for past is ruined
          Is future too? ......
          
          
          
          
          I wish I've had someone teach me how to swim ,
          Now I'm afraid of the oceans , seas rivers , lakes and even potholes.

Whom I go to? And what words do I use? 
          I wish there was an element capable of squeezing out all the pain from with in you.
          What does one do of the pain they cradle in their arms? 
          Pain seems precious to some , holding on tight to it 
          And it has been the same for me until my arms started aching and ears started bleeding from the cries.
          
          Now I don't want to hold it anymore I've come to become so weak that I wish to throw it away , to choke it out of me , to suffocate It and render it to die.
          
          But how does one do that? I've known to cradle the pain but I'm unaware of how to throw it out
          How to channel It?.
          
          
          How does one breath with it when they don't want to?
          Does the act of breathing become a torture then? A necessary torture? 
          
          The breathing become as same as the pain? -
          
          
          
          Everyone who I have tells me that I've them , that I could whisper the torments of my soul to their soul
          But my soul is incapable of touching another now
          I feel like I'm trapped and I'm desperate to be out now.
          Its not the trap that's killing me
          
          Its the desperation but I can't let go of this desperation
          
          
          Is it the true feeling of helplessness? 

Mere saathi mujhse kuch dur mehsoon hote hain
          Maano ke duniya aur dil dono milo paar
          
          Ye Jo akelapan hai ye shayad mujhe itna Darata nhi hai
          Kyuki mujhme phir bhi unko apne kareeb lane wali koi baat nhi
          
          Mai to bss khamoshi mai unhe sochti rehti hun
          chalte phirte unhe dil mai hi pukaar leti hun
          
          Jese ki Roz ka bhulna hai ki wo humsafar ab dil ke kareeb nhi Jo jawab de jaye
          Jese ki Roz ka bhulna ki wo humsafar shayad ab humsafar nahi~

the winter isn't here yet , i've waiting for it
          Looking forward to it at times sometimes picking on the time before it comes
          It's rare sensation but not an unfamiliar one 
          The cold inside me has come before it came for the sky or for the aching water 
          For those who are in desperate need of it 
          It has strike me the first
          Has spread inside me in a way
          Rather than me drowning it feels like its drowning inside me
          Is that possible? Is it possible for who that drowns to drown?
          I don't know
          
          Sometimes I'm grounded to reality too firmly even if I demand escape , mercy I don't get it
          That force me to beg mercy on my reality
          
          
          I feel like a destroyer having destroyed alot around me using my own sharded pieces that can cut and make others bleed
          
          
          Its my own sharded skin i've used to cut others
          So most often I see myself destroying that flash and then those times when I can't see myself as only a flesh
          
          I've always been one to want to be seen but I'm horrified of someone ever doing so 
          Afraid that the opened layers I cradle 
          were'nt ever supposed to hurt as much as I made them to
          
          
          I'm afraid of even seeing myself as more than flesh I realize the disgust and raw fear that enforcing the torture upon own yourself brings
          
          I'm afraid that I find the tortured flesh pathetic 
          
          And that flesh is me
          

@-btslife which one you tried?
          Try her tanhaiyaan or keher series 

@-btslife so can you tell what exactly you want to read maybe I can suggest something 

Hi , have you read the story i recommend ( baby brother) , was it like what you were finding?