･ﾟﾟ･｡✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

i heard you were leaving wp! i just wanted to say thanks for sticking around and being apart of my journey on wp too, hope i'll see you again even though we don't really talk.

AAAAHAHAHAH
          
          im back but not really
          i deleted wattpad and now ive downloaded it again
          didja miss me
          
          i didnt think so lmaoooo
          anyway what did i miss

sorry i haven't been on lately
          
          i doubt anyone really noticed (not to self pity or shit but like i don't think so) but in case you cared im still alive lol
          
          lol my stomach hurts so SO badly rn i want to cryyyyy :''')

my brother steals all of my clothes
          
          ajauaidosskdocfkisn

gUYS
          
          ok so first of all i got a computer today and im sO so excited bsisbaajBak
          
          but thats besides the point lol, what i actually wanted to say is im at my grandma's house and my dad packed clothes for me. but he didn't pack any pajamas? lmao not like he packed pjs that i dont like or dont wear, he just... didnt pack any... at all... so i had to improvise. for some reason wearing regular clothes to bed reeeally bothers me (the most i can do is pj top and regular pants or vice versa, but all regularly doesnt work for me), and i just couldnt bring myself to wear a regular shirt and pants. so what did i do? i asked my brother to borrow a pair of basketball shorts. he let me, and they fit, and i was like "great, regular loose tshirt with basketball shorts and a hoodie. great pjs" but then i put it all on and i was like wooooaahh. i look sO masculine??? like i actually look like a guy. so thats very cool and i never want to change clothes lol
          
          :3

a thousand miles 
          seems pretty far
          but they've got planes 
          and trains and cars
          id walk to you if i had no other way 
          
          <33

no one:
          
          my cat: *vibrates happily*
          
          
          
          TW: eating disorders
          
          
          
          i was doing really well in my ed recovery, especially for being alone. but recently I weighed myself and my weight had dropped. i was officially underweight (slightly). since then, ive been weighing myself frequently and my weight has been going all over the place (sort of). at first, i just wanted to monitor it, but it's started bringing back really toxic eating disorder thoughts. im trying hard still to get through it and not fall back into that place, but its just so difficult.
          
          anyway, im going through a rough time right now

also i started a fluff book, so go check that out
          
          
          
          
          
          
          (if you want i mean, you dont have to or anything)

ugh
          
          my head hurts and im stressed. today was an ok day i think, i forgot a lot of it though
          
          people who i dont want to be around keep being around me and i don't like it

sooo you know all that effort i put into trying to get through my trauma? yeah? well its all going down the damn drain. ive been feeling so on edge for the last fucking month. i keep getting triggered so easily, and the flashbacks just keep coming.
          
          last night (i was spending the night at a friend's house, there were six of us there in all), after everyone was asleep, i started having flashbacks. and by that i mean for (i dont even really know how long) 30--45 minutes, the same scenes repeated in my head over and over and over. a part of me knew it wasnt real, that a year had passed since then, and that everyone was safe. but the scene was so vivid... i could hear everything, i could feel everything! ive NEVER had a flashback where i could feel things physically, EVER. but with this one i could feel the textures and tempuratures of everything. i was too embarrassed and guilty to wake someone up, so all i could do was just sit and listen to my music and try and wait for it all to end. it was horrific, and i know i should tell my mom, but i dont want to. i just... its so embarrassing sometimes to be debilitated by something that happened so long ago, you know? i feel so weak (not to mention that voice in my head that's like "hehehe see a real boy wouldn't be crying like this haha stupid little girl)(that isnt true of course, boys can cry, girls can cry, anyone can cry, just cccrrryyy), like why can't i handle this? why not? why cant i just get over it? i hate it so so much... ( ⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⌢⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀)