carlos

to the best friend of best friends,
          
          
          wow. where do I begin with you? well, you've seen what I've had to go through over the years. you've seen me at my absolute worst and my best of bests and you have never given up on me even when I pushed you away to the point where I acted as if I didn't need anybody. you stayed by my side. you are an absolute blessing and a fucking angel. I know I don't show my mushy side with you often nor do I tend to cry around you because I'm trying to be this tough, strong girl. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have you in my life. I mean that. my life would be a complete fuck up if you weren't in it because you've always been the one to light my path and throw me back on it. and for that, I will never know how to repay you. I love you.

and never knowing what could've been. and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.

what hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away.

but I know if I could do it over, I would trade, give away all the words that I say in my heart that I left unspoken.

it's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone. still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret.

it's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go, but I'm doing it.

what hurts the most was being so close. and having so much to say. and watching you walk away. and never knowing what could've been. and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.

there are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me.

I'm not afraid to cry every once in awhile, even though going on with you gone still upsets me.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me. I can take a few tears now and then and just let em out.