𝖒𝖊𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖎𝖆

eh knee ways: it’s 6AM LMAO and it’s almost thanksgiving break. i need to sleep anyway so yeah.
          
          i’m acting like i’m talking to someone but LMFAO who knows? maybe someone will see it. or not, their choice.

but once i logged back in, man the memories flooded in.
          
          writing with cece or sara or tee or countless others, reading all types of marvel fanfics, trying to find a theme and constantly changing it? making all sorts of friends, reflecting on old ocs?
          
          just- wow. i was so different, so young. 
          
          yet so naive: i remember constantly craving validation for my stories after a while, thinking it was hard to remind myself to have fun. feeling like i couldn’t quite write ever again.
          
          i’ll always wonder what would happen if i kept up my presence here. maybe i’d feel less alienated or know people. maybe even have published fics. or maybe i’d still be like i was.

AND THE FACT I’M 18?? ALMOST 19?? 
          I AM IN WHOLE ASS COLLEGE.
          
          DAWG IT’S BEEN LIKE 3-4 YEARS. I WAS LIKE 15 (??) LAST TIME I WAS HERE??
          
          AND WENT BY A VARIATION OF MY BIRTH NAME. 
          
          like damn time has gone by. half the people i interacted with either ain’t here no more or they are and they doin their thing, good for them !!

don’t know what called me back: intrigue? impulse? boredom? old friends?
          
          not that i’m writing again LMFAO but just- idk. that was years ago. feel like a new wattpad-er again. don’t mind my rambling if you read this LMFAO, it just kinda feels like home.
          
          besides the fact i now have character development. and no gender LMAOOOO. and am fully gay af.

i know NO one gone remember me, i've changed so much deadass. especially since this ain't even the acc i was more active on
          i'd be surprised if anyone did, deadass

omg help how long has it been i know this acc is DEAD dead

idk if y’all are still on here, but this acc will be deleted and restarted completely. new theme, new pen name (probably), new everything.
          
          if you want to keep up with updates or whatever, please follow my other acc @//retrosaturns. my drafts that are here will be deleted, which means alliance and resilience and loyalty and my other books will be gone.
          
          deuces!
          - kay

── i guess i took a hiatus, and tbh i’ve been a lil less stressed from my acc going downhill after “staying away”.
          
           i pulled off something i never thought i’d do, and i’m really proud! and i’m reaching the home stretch of school, so thank god. and i’m spending time with friends irl. 
          
          however, something’s been on my mind.
          
          imma be real with y’all, i’m thinking about leaving. hell, i might give away my acc, maybe give it to someone worthy. or just restart this completely.
          
          three, maybe four, years of wattpad, and my peak of writing and motivation was, well, when i first started. i haven’t even spoke to anybody on here in what feels like centuries, and sometimes i wonder why i’m not even at 200 followers, but it’s cause i don’t update and i don’t socialize on here.
          
          basically it’s my fault i’m not as talented or amazing as everybody else is on here. 
          
          although i’ve made awesome friends, i have an amazing “child” on here, and i feel bad for thinking about leaving, but this might be it. idk.
          
          plus shit’s hit the fan for me. finals coming up, i’m applying for jobs (yes plural) cause money’s tight, and a family situation is threatening to reach a whole new level, and it’s not a good one. i barely edit (on insta) and the only thing i update is my theme. 
          
          plus i’m into new fandoms, like my hero academia and legend of zelda, around the same level as i am with marvel, so probably expect (one last possible) theme change that isn’t marvel or real life. if i restart i’ll let y’all know.
          
          i know y’all are doing your thing and whatever, and i don’t wanna take up anymore of your time if you’re reading this. just know ily guys sm and take some deep breaths, drink water, and take care for the last time (if i leave).
          
          y’all are the best, and tbh y’all deserve better than whatever the hell i am.
          
          ─ kay ( -cosmicestelle )

── beyoncé: homecoming inspired covers? yay? nay? 
          
          
          
          or maybe i should have done lemonade inspired covers 

── my account is a whole ass flop/mess. idk how i even still have 148 followers lmao.