𝑵𝒚𝒙

wasn't I loving you right? 
          wasn't I giving enough? 
          the only thing I wanted
          was to make you happy 
          to treat you right 
          I wanted to walk next to you 
          for the rest of my life 
          but seems like right now 
          I'm nothing more than a burden 
          don't worry, it's not the first time
          and, oh, no, lord forbid 
          I'm not saying it to make you feel bad 
          I understood your reasons 
          I heard what you said 
          my doubts, my fear 
          I overthink before I jump
          I heard it before
          believe me, love 
          it's not the first time 
          but somehow I'm still trying,
          to overcome my fear 
          to not think too much 
          hopefully it'll be the last. 

last night you asked me
          if I like your eyes
          I was to shy to speak 
          but only if you knew 
          that you have the most gorgeous pair I ever seen 
          those coffee eyes,
          warm as the sun in the morning sky 
          with that caramel tint, like the leaves in autumn 
          sweet, darling boy 
          how I love when you look at me
          the way your eyes shine when you smile 
          how they softened when you said
          “I love you” every time 
          maybe I'm asking for too much
          but sometimes I daydream 
          how it would be if you looked at me
          for the rest of my life.
          

if only you would listen
          without assumptions and prejudice
          you would see how much you mean to me
          how much I care for you, 
          how I love you 
          I could rip out my heart just for you 
          if that'll make you happy 
          if that'll make you mine
          all I do is beg and cry
          and pray to the sky 
          pleading the Lord that you could see
          that you could see that I'm trying 
          bleeding over empty pages
          howling at the moon
          for someone to hear me, 
          to help me 
          to make you understand 
          that there's no one else in my heart 
          in my life, in my mind 
          only you, just you 
          even if you didn't care 
          even if you don't mind. 
          

it's funny
          the way you think there's someone else 
          as if another were better than you 
          as if another could make my eyes shine
          as if another could make my heart race 
          my head spin 
          and my hands shake 
          only with a kiss, only with a smile
          even when all I beg and crave is your love 
          when I could rip my heart in two for you
          when I could rip out my heart 
          and give it to you
          when all I do is cry my eyes out 
          just waiting for your love
          waiting for you to see 
          that there's no one else 
          not now, not ever
          not when all I want is you.

maybe I'm drowning in nostalgia 
          or I just love to miss memories 
          but when I close my eyes 
          I still feel your hands in mine
          the kiss you gave me for the first time 
          your arms wrapped around my frame 
          so warm, so safe 
          oh, how your eyes looked at me 
          full of love, so purely 
          as if holding up the sky
          no lust, a different desire 
          when you touched my soul, 
          not just my body
          so gentle, so caring 
          all the sweet words I pray to hear again
          I felt so loved, so cared about 
          the beautiful poems you wrote for me
          those which took my breath away 
          late night talking, not really talking about anything 
          when we only wanted five more minutes
          just to stay together for a while 
          the songs you chose for me 
          the ones I still hear when I need you
          all the promises, our promises 
          our future, our love 
          promises I hope we can fulfill 
          even now, when I don't feel you
          even with you by my side 
          hoping, praying, waiting
          that someday, not so late
          you'll be the same sweet man I fell in love
          the one who stole my heart so many months ago. 

oh, my love
          if you could see through me
          if you could feel like me 
          If you could understand how I love you
          if you could love me like I do
          

The thing about loving too much is that it all hurts just the same. 

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