reya

met a lot of people
            but nobody feels like you 
            
            (so please don’t break my heart,
            don’t tear me apart) 

i had all and then most of you
            some and now none of you
            take me back to the night we met
            i don't know what I'm supposed to do
            haunted by the ghost of you

turns out people lied
            they said, "just snap your fingers"
            as if it was really that easy for me to get over you
            i just need time
            

you left me in a state of paralysis.
            i can’t move. 
            i can’t breathe. 
            i can’t scream. 
            
            my words are stuck in my throat
            tangled with my breath 
            just enough to suffocate me 
            i want to scream.
            
            all i can hear is my helpless heart
            echoing in my ears
            and violently shaking beneath my chest 
            i want to scream.
            
            i’m using my hands like a shield 
            but they aren’t strong enough to fend me
            from your disgusting thoughts 
            i want to scream. 
            
            tears threaten to roll down my cheek
            i wish i could let them soak the oversized tee
            that covered every inch of my body
            i want to scream.
            
            you are the protagonist 
            in my nightmares 
            you are the vision 
            behind my midnight tears
            
            you left me in a state of paralysis.
            and that night -
            i couldn’t scream. 

why do you still haunt me? 

you left. finally. 
            i don’t have to see your face again.
            you disgust me.

i’m stuck between the day i met you and the day you left.
            
            (the memories are on played on loop)

there is no ‘after you’ 
            
            there is a before you and during you but
            no ‘after you’ 
            
            I will always find pieces of you
            in the words that leave my lips 
            and the layers of my skin
            
            I will catch glimpses of you
            in the faces i see 
            and in everything that i dare to touch 
            
            i will find memories 
            of you - of us - beneath my skin 
            and i will see flashbacks 
            every time i close my eyes 
            accompanied by the echos of the lyrics 
            that you left behind
            
            you changed me and 
            i will never be the same again.
            
            there is no ‘after you’ 
            
            ( and i guess you always knew that ) 

i failed. 
            
            i hate to admit it - but the promise i made didn’t even last a day. i tried to stay away for months but the lies i was feeding myself managed to choke me. i hoped to wake up one morning and feel a different sort of way but now i know that it is nothing more than just wishful thinking.
            
            i still think about you
            every single day. 

@DevilofDark big douche.