egoist (@-prettymelancholic-)'s conversations

-prettymelancholic-

Jun 08, 2026 10:54PM

this message may be offensive

I looked up your name a while ago.
          	It genuinely hurts that you, with all your arrogance and greed, still live your life without concern. Do you even remember my name? Do you remember the shit you pulled? That's all I really thought about, staring at your profile picture. Because I remember your name, and I remember the shit you pulled. You are my first close experience in how people play mindgames, after all.
          	I saw that they follow you. I couldn't care less, I knew they'd still pick your word over mine. She was your neighbor, you took the same bus. You grew up together. The shit you pulled against us both means nothing next to that.
          	I went through a lot more ever since then. Realistically, it was just early stages of life. Prepubescent drama. Puberty gossip.
          	Sometimes, I think about the 4 weeks of exclusion you put me through just because I got angry at you and helped someone else in art class. My seat, moved to the back, left corner. I would've liked it better if it was next to the windows, but it wasn't. Just the wall, covered in shoe marks from when you and your friends tried to wall-climb. The teachers would look at me, ask, and you'd tell them that it's nothing with a frown. They wouldn't insist. They probably thought it was just a dispute between children.

A month. A month of constant stare-downs, gossip and ridicule I endured until our science teacher made me talk to you. And apologize to you. Only then did you move my seat again. It was still in the corner, just connected to yours now.
I could endure that. That's my thing, right? Enduring. My parents didn't need to be worried.
But this was nothing until you confessed. I can give you friendship, allyship, anything, but I can't act that out. But you didn't understand that, sometimes I think you could never understand it at all. To you, I was so easily swayed by my sentimentality and desire to belong. The only thing you had to do was ostracize me, and I'd come back to you. Facing rejection, you pulled that exact same trick. And then it all spiraled.
I tried so hard to fight, but you were always the one who belonged. You were friendlier than me, more available than me, more demanding than me. I should've known that all of that would happen, no matter what I did. I should have known I had no escape until I finally took that stupid exam and got my ticket out of that city. Did you know? I was facing significant hairloss and breakouts due to the academic stress I was facing, on top of everything you've done to me.
You taught me the worst lessons I haven't been able to disprove in all these years.
No matter what, no one is ever going to believe me, or stand by my side. It doesn't matter if I lie or tell the truth, you taught me that really quickly. Even today, that stands true.
I tried so hard to prove you wrong all throughout my life. Even when I knew the result that was coming, dangling above my head, I still tried. I told the truth, I tried my best to understand, did whatever I could to protect.

a day ago • Reply

moldy_strawberry

2 hours ago

Ich heiße Superfantastisch
          Ich trinke Schampus mit Lachsfisch