ⓙ

Did wattpad purge a bunch of accounts or something?

smoking on that tiktok pack rn LMAO

knowing that David Lynch is gone makes rereading Lake of Fire difficult thanks to the Eraserhead references throughout it. My shayla... I'll have better words to commemorate him later, but for now I'm just rewatching his films and looking at my entire bibliography like "damn, imma miss him" (he's been one of my biggest creative muses for ten years, I may as well be in love with him).
          
          I miss him already.

zero sugar shitorade will be the death of me (I took one sip and projectile vomited into my sink)

Rest in peace, Jackie Farry. <3 Hope you're reunited with Elliott and Kurt wherever you may be.

ik that at one point Kurt was on demon time and taking drugs and cheating like an idiot, dude was a menace, but there's a lot of fics where it makes it out like that's what he did on a 24/7 basis and like.... bro no. dude was not a womanizer at 16, dude was in his basement smoking out of apples and shit and fighting demons (the demons being listening to Drive - The Cars on repeat). he wasn't snorting coke every night at 20 like Tommy Lee or some shit. he was sleeping in his car and writing songs to the Beatles and shit. pleaseeeeeeeeeee bffr. there are so many other things you can focus on for "angsty reasons" besides drugs and women. SO MANY.

consistently praying someone writes about Kurt's stupid teenagehood (doesn't have to be a romantic fic either—WHERE ARE THE COOL PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP ONES LIKE IN LAKE OF FIRE, BRO??) because bro he was on some shit?? and I think it's so funny to talk about all the bs he got into at that age like pokie wdym you worked at the YMCA and almost cut your finger off as a dishwasher lmfao? OR EVEN BEFORE NIRVANA WAS NIRVANA. THE 1985-1987 PERIOD. HECK, EVEN SHORT FICS ABOUT HIS 1992 DAYS. I WISH THERE WAS MORE OF IT. OR FICS THAT HAD HYPOTHETICAL FUTURES POST-1994. WHY DOES NOBODY EVER MENTION THE ALMOST-MICHAEL STIPE AND PJ HARVEY DEMOS? WRITE AN AU WHERE IT HAPPENED, BRO?? OR HOW HE COULD'VE MET ELLIOT SMITH IF HE STAYED WITH MARY LOU LORD? THERE'S SO MUCH LORE TO COVER AND NOBODY IS DOING IT AAAAAAHDIFKFK (I will)

tbf part of the fun of writing unconventional fics is that I can just think of storylines that I wish I was reading about already, but then it hits me that im an author too so I look at the "create a new story" and my canva app like Thanos lmao "fine.... I'll do it myself..."
          
          But yeah.

pt. 2:
          
          ... but besides those fics, like i said, 90% of current existing ones are, as a LONGTIME Nirvana fan, ass.
          
          HOWEVER HOWEVER HOWEVER, I go back to thinking about NYD and LOF again and im like ,,fuckit, why make art for others?,, and so ig what I'm tryna say is that I love making unconventional Kurt fics but I wish there was a bigger market for them because it'd make the process just a bit more enjoyable. I get it, angst is fun, drugs are interesting, whatever... but I can tell when someone is relying on tropes vs their own creativity and at least 95% of all Nirvana fic writers on here fall into the former category lmao. I won't name names but some are good writers, some are bad. I prefer the good ones because at least their shit is clean and solid.
          
          And ig that's why there aren't many Nirvana fics in my "favorites" reading list bc as I've said, the abundance is low (however, there r two I'm currently reading that are great and I'll add them to that reading list once the authors r done with them bc sometimes authors fuck up halfway or latter-way through a story so I gotta hold out).
          
          But I wish there could be. So for now I am seething over that lmao that's all bye.
          
          - J

Big rant incoming, hey:
          
          wanting to read a fire Kurt fic is so difficult because for every good fic, there's 200 where the timeline takes place either between 1989-1991 or 1993-1994 or both and there's a cheating trope and unexpected pregnancy and hyperfixation on his drug abuse like a mf and it literally feels like Holes when I'm doomscrolling on here for fics like "IM TIRED OF THIS, GRANDPAAAA!!!!"
          
          there's a serious lack of creativity and I hate to say it but I must. however, I then think about the few that are fucking FIRE and I read them happily but then get depressed again bc like I said, there's not much. it's either what I mentioned above or an overabundance of Kave fics.
          
          HOWEVER however, I start thinking to myself "well, why can I write good shit?" and so that's how shit like New Year's Day and Lake of Fire were born but ig that shit never gets traction bc it's not the straight off the assembly line coded ass shit on here so ofc it's not gonna be some huge Pulizter winning bs. There's only like 5 fics where I looked past the cheating and shit bc the writing was so fucking good I jumped out my window...
          
          (1/2)