-UglyLady-

I am the type of person na kapag hindi tayo close....i will limit myself kasi baka hindi pala tayo swak ng ugali...i will be shy and such pero never akong magpapakaplastik. But why do i feel that they look at me that way? 
          
          Aaaminin ko na I'm not like the one who's fun to be with. Ang awkward ko kasama. Like basta ang awkward. Pero when I'm with those people who i think will not judge me..ill be very interesting...well kung meron man taong hindi ako jinajudge. 
          
          My friends....well they're  quite few. Yung iba feeling ko they are just talking me because they need it. Kung baga isa akong google ganon. "Paano daw gagawin" "May assignment daw,pakopya" and I can't even say no kasi feeling ko yun na lang yung dahilan kung bakit ako nagkaroon ng kaibigan. 
          
          They are scared or maybe they are intimidated by me kasi mukha lagi akong seryoso..i dont feel good. Yes I am respected because i look smart but the heck..i wanted friends too. Yung hindi takot na maglabas ng panget ko na pic or kahit ano. They're are scared of me. I can feel it. Ganoon ba talaga yung pinoportray ko? I am sad...yes..but..i..know..that..i.. will..be okay later :) . Just quite sad... HAHAHAHA. 
          
          

Aaaaaaaahh nakakainis

Ok. Let me tell you a story. 
          
          Hindi ako maganda. I mean yung maganda na lilingunin o yung maganda na artistahin. Let's just say my face is unique from others. Achiever din ako. Maybe iyon ang mga rason why some boys are fond of me.... hindi ko iboboost yung moral ko ok. 
          
          This is a rant post anyway. Dito ko lang napopost sa wattpad yung saloobin ko kasi out of the character kung sa facebook hahaha. 
          
          Marami akong kaibigang lalaki. Tinuturing nila akong bunsong kaibigan kaya nasanay na ako. Sa sobrang sanay ko, i cant even classify a brotherly love sa crush.  Maliban na lang kung may umabot sa point na may clues na hinihint yung lalaki or kung nag confess siya. 
          
          And ako..laging it's a no. 
          
          I am not ready for it. I always feel na kawawa yung lalaki. Hindi rin naman kasi ako naniniwala sa love na mabilisang paspasan na parang eh kabilis na typing lang. Some of my classmates has a crush on me. Dahil awkward akong tao, i feel bothered. 
          
          Doon na nga ako nabansagan na "Paasa"
          
          Nagpaparinig pa sa facebook ang iba. Kesyo gwapo o mayaman daw ang hanap ko. 
          
          Hindi. 
          
          Bakit daw ang choosy ko at sa wastong edad ay wala pang boyfriend. 
          
          Hindi ko alam. 
          
          Nagi guilty ako sa mga panahon na i am rejecting someone's love. 
          
          Na hindi ko namam deserve. 
          
          Feeling ko sa sarili ko.. magloloko ako. 
          
          Can't they see that i am saving them from me?
          
          I don't know. 
          
          Ina add din ako ng girlfriend nung ibang nag ka crush sa akin.Syempre ina accept ko. Huwag daw ako manira ng relasyon kahit totoo naman na nagtanong lang yung lalaki ng assignment. Pero nag confess din yun. 
          
          Eh hindi ako napatol sa may Girlfriend na. Like eww. I won't stoop low. 
          
          I won't .
          
          
          I'm worried and sad. 
          
          

Ang hirap niyong pakisamahan. 

Hirap makibagay lalo na at feeling ko eh intimidated sakin mga classmates ko ahhhh. Nilalayuan tuloy ako ng crush ko. Zad reaaax. Hahahaha. 

Kapag may nakakaalam na ibang tao na nagbabasa ako ng wattpad, they would think that I have a low capacity of thinking. Dunno why. Sabi nila its too corny and cliche. But the real thing is they are not yet familiar with the different genre na meron dito. I hate it when they feel that I am a jeje girl. Nope, absolutely bulsht. Wattpad became my savior everytime na may havoc sa system ko. Yas, its the truth naman talaga sa hardcopy is something talaga but you know, di lahat ng tao may peraaa so yeah. Hayy. rants agaiiinnn. 

I cant help but to ask myself why am I like this. Why do I have this kind of temper and attitude. I am nothing... Its always her. Her hernehrnfhend damn it im not her.  I will never be her. I am hurt..Cant they recognize me for who I am. Then.let me stop please. please.. im so damn hopeless. damn im deeply scared and scarred. pLs save me.

im losing my sparks.

thoughts 2:22
          
          iniisip ko ngayon kun gaano ako kapanget haha. Sana po Bff na Bathala pogi yung poreber ko..para sana kahit papaano eh pantay yung ecosystem haha lols. bata ko pa harot agad. tsu. 
          
          congrats pala s akin. khit panget ako may brains nman. haha. Wala akong ginawa sa buong sem kung di utusan yung group mates ko. MWAHAHAHA may silbi pala ako. nakakuha pa ako excellence award like wtf. akala ko mas biotic pa yung tae sa tapat ng bahay namin. kyukyu.
          
          tenchusss. sending virtual hugs to everyone.hutek diary ko ba watty? like o to m to g

Thoughts 10:30 pm
           I am still lost in the labyrinth of life,hurdles of circumstances and obstacles of problems.Luckily,I got a lifetime reward of hope and Unlimited courage to survive.It will be and will never be easy.